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Monday, June 24, 2019

One Year and One Day

 
Yesterday was a tough day for me and the girls. Davy died on June 22nd, but we didn't find out until the wee hours of the morning on the 23rd, so the 23rd is a hard day, too. Tara and I both woke up about the time we got the call. I laid there, reliving that day, wanting more than anything to realize it was 2018 and that day was all just a dream. It wasn't.

I went to see Tara and Victor in the afternoon. As I drove to her house, the air show was going on at the river and I could see the planes, and I started crying. Oh, how Davy loved those air shows!!! I took the kids to see them every year. Honestly, I didn't really care much for the air shows. They were cool and all, but I took them so that I could see the look of happiness and awe on the kids faces! THAT was what I paid to see!

Saturday, June 22, 2019

One Year


Davy was killed one year ago today. I remember when he first died, when I was counting the time in days, then weeks, then months. I couldn't comprehend a life that no longer included my son. I was dreading when I would be counting it in years ... and here I am.


2018 was the hardest year of my life. I walked around in a fog of disbelief for months. I guess as a way of protecting myself, I was numb. It's funny how your mind can do that, isn't it ... just go numb so that you don't have to deal with something too painful to process? Sadly, the numbness doesn't last forever and you're forced to mourn. I didn't want to grieve for my son! I wanted my son here ... with me! Parents aren't supposed to bury their children!

I spent the first six months trying to make things easier for my daughters and trying to find ways to make sure Davy's babies remembered him. I knew all the holiday firsts without him would be difficult, and I was right, but it really hit me on New Years Day when I went to the grocery. I swear, every family with a son was shopping that day. I didn't see any daughters ... just sons ... and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I would never be able to do something as simple and mundane as shopping with my son ever again. People go shopping with their kids every day and don't think anything about it ... until the day they realize they will never be able to do that again.

Memories and pictures of Davy still make me cry. Sometimes I can hold back the tears, sometimes I can't ... even now ... a year later. The girls and I will never be the same people we were before Davy died. I can see it in my daughter's smiles. They aren't as bright as they used to be. There is a sadness in our eyes that a smile can't mask.

Losing someone is always difficult, but never more so than when it's your child. I liken it to losing a limb ... you can learn to live without it, but there's never a moment that goes by that you aren't aware that it's gone. It's a poor analogy, but it's the only thing I can come up with that is somehow relateable as to how profound and constant the loss is.

I know the heaviness in my heart will lessen and the pain won't always be this acute, but it will always be there. In the years to come, I may not cry as often, but I will cry for my son for the rest of my days. My daughters will cry for their brother, and his babies will long to know the man they know only from pictures and stories. Davy was not a giant man, but he left a gigantic hole in the lives of everyone who knew and loved him.

So here I sit, alone at my kitchen island long before the sun comes up, sipping coffee, and missing my son so badly I can barely breathe. But I like this time alone. I need this time alone. I need to have a time when I have no one to take care of and nothing that has to be done. I can sit here in the silence and pray and think, sifting through memories, and remembering a time when I could hold all three of my kids.

We're having a cookout and bonfire tonight in memory of Davy. The girls and I are spending the afternoon and evening with friends and family, doing two of the simple things he loved. It's not a gathering to mourn the years with him that were taken from us, but rather to celebrate the 24 years we got to spend with him.

Nothing cuts so deep or is slower to heal than losing a child. Actually, I don't know that it ever heals ... I think it just scabs over and quits bleeding ... but it never really heals.


Thursday, June 20, 2019

The Last Full Day of Davy's Life


We didn't know it at the time, of course ... but one year ago today, Davy was living the last full day of his life. Tomorrow will be one year. ONE YEAR! Hold on tight to those you have around you and let them know they are loved, because sadly, no one knows when it will be their time to go. Don't squander the opportunity to spoil the people you love and let them know how important they are to you. Good dishes aren't for just company ... sharing time and treasures with the ones you love the most are special occasions.

The next day, the day Davy died, I bought him ShrinersFest buttons so that he could see the air show at the riverfront. I took the kids to the air show every year when they were growing up. They all liked them, but Davy LOVED them, particularly the Blue Angels. I thought about taking the buttons to his house after I bought them and surprising him, but it was Friday night and rush hour and I'd have to go "all the way" on the east side ...so I didn't go. A decision I regret unto this day.

"Besides," I told myself, "I'll see him before then."


The next time I saw him, he was in a casket. I pinned one of the buttons on his shirt and kept the other for myself as a reminder to never put off doing something kind or going out of my way for the people who are special to me.

Pardon my French, but that was one hell of hard a lesson to learn.


Wednesday, June 19, 2019

"Dogs, Andy. They're All Dog."

The clip below is one of my favorites from the Andy Griffith Show. I'm sure there are plenty of people who will be offended and need to hug a puppy or color after viewing this ... but it's hilarious!!!

 

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Hit and Run ... and a $1,000 Reward


Whenever I see the words "Hit and Run" in a headline, I read the story ... partly because I'm hoping it's the same person that hit and killed Davy and we'll finally have an answer.

Today the paper ran an article about a hit and run with injuries, no fatalities. Of course, they're didn't release any information about the extent of the injuries, so it could turn into a fatality. I sure hope not, though.

One year later, hundreds and hundreds of tips later, we are still no closer to finding out who hit Davy and continued driving, leaving my son's lifeless body in the middle of the road. When he died, all his hopes and dreams died with him. The years he could have spent loving and playing with his babies were taken away, and the years the girls and I expected to spend with him vanished.

Remember, we are offering a $1,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of this person. They'll probably get off with a slap on the wrists, but hopefully a judge will force him/her/them to see his very young children who will never know their father, listen to his family and friends tell how this affected the our lives, and they'll have to live with our pain-filled voices and the memory of our tear stained faces for the rest of their life/lives. For information click here, or on the reward photo below:

http://jackiecolemanblog.blogspot.com/search?q=reward

Davy was loved not only by his family, but by the many lives he touched ... as was evident at his showing and funeral. I was overwhelmed by the number of people who came to pay their condolences, and it warmed my heart that he touched so many people. We will always miss you, Davy, and we'll be looking that 1998-2002 Honda Accord until this person is caught.








Monday, June 17, 2019

So What DID Davy Do With His Lunch Money?


A couple of months ago, my daughter asked me if I wanted to know what Davy did with his lunch money. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know or not, but I said yes. She said someone came up to her in the cafeteria at school and asked if her brother was there … that someone had told that him that if he ever needed money for lunch, that Davy would give it to him.

Davy used the money I gave him for lunch each day to buy lunches for kids with no money. Davy had his faults, but he had a huge, kind heart and was empathetic to those less fortunate. And yes … I cried when she told me … but they were tears of pride, not sadness.

Friday, June 14, 2019

Presents

From here on out, every time my girls ask me what I want for Mother's Day, my birthday or Christmas, I'm going to tell them "Scott's Orth GroundClear Vegetation Killer Concentrate". Every year, between April and October, I buy at LEAST twelve bottles of this stuff in the 2-gallon size. All totaled, I spend close to $500 on this stuff ... every year!

I spray it around the edging stones of flower beds and such (so that I don't have to weed eat), and in my driveway. I loathe weeds, but particularly those growing in my driveway!!! I also use it to kill poison ivy, oak, and sumac, and to clear paths in the woods.

For the most part, I really don't "need" anything ... except GroundClear!

Thursday, June 13, 2019

Turtle Sandbox

My rendering wasn't too far off from the actual look once the sandbox arrived!



Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Do You Ever Wish You Could Write Parking Tickets?

I love the police and am in awe at the sacrifice they face everyday when they are just doing their job ... but really?


Monday, June 10, 2019

Note the Shipping Price

I was on Amazon looking for a Little Tikes Cozy Coupe for my grandsons birthday. I found one that was about $5-$10 less than the others, so I clicked on it.

Note the shipping price ... $134.24!!! Needless to say, I did not buy that one!