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Monday, June 24, 2019

One Year and One Day

 
Yesterday was a tough day for me and the girls. Davy died on June 22nd, but we didn't find out until the wee hours of the morning on the 23rd, so the 23rd is a hard day, too. Tara and I both woke up about the time we got the call. I laid there, reliving that day, wanting more than anything to realize it was 2018 and that day was all just a dream. It wasn't.

I went to see Tara and Victor in the afternoon. As I drove to her house, the air show was going on at the river and I could see the planes, and I started crying. Oh, how Davy loved those air shows!!! I took the kids to see them every year. Honestly, I didn't really care much for the air shows. They were cool and all, but I took them so that I could see the look of happiness and awe on the kids faces! THAT was what I paid to see!

Saturday, June 22, 2019

One Year


Davy was killed one year ago today. I remember when he first died, when I was counting the time in days, then weeks, then months. I couldn't comprehend a life that no longer included my son. I was dreading when I would be counting it in years ... and here I am.


2018 was the hardest year of my life. I walked around in a fog of disbelief for months. I guess as a way of protecting myself, I was numb. It's funny how your mind can do that, isn't it ... just go numb so that you don't have to deal with something too painful to process? Sadly, the numbness doesn't last forever and you're forced to mourn. I didn't want to grieve for my son! I wanted my son here ... with me! Parents aren't supposed to bury their children!

I spent the first six months trying to make things easier for my daughters and trying to find ways to make sure Davy's babies remembered him. I knew all the holiday firsts without him would be difficult, and I was right, but it really hit me on New Years Day when I went to the grocery. I swear, every family with a son was shopping that day. I didn't see any daughters ... just sons ... and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I would never be able to do something as simple and mundane as shopping with my son ever again. People go shopping with their kids every day and don't think anything about it ... until the day they realize they will never be able to do that again.

Memories and pictures of Davy still make me cry. Sometimes I can hold back the tears, sometimes I can't ... even now ... a year later. The girls and I will never be the same people we were before Davy died. I can see it in my daughter's smiles. They aren't as bright as they used to be. There is a sadness in our eyes that a smile can't mask.

Losing someone is always difficult, but never more so than when it's your child. I liken it to losing a limb ... you can learn to live without it, but there's never a moment that goes by that you aren't aware that it's gone. It's a poor analogy, but it's the only thing I can come up with that is somehow relateable as to how profound and constant the loss is.

I know the heaviness in my heart will lessen and the pain won't always be this acute, but it will always be there. In the years to come, I may not cry as often, but I will cry for my son for the rest of my days. My daughters will cry for their brother, and his babies will long to know the man they know only from pictures and stories. Davy was not a giant man, but he left a gigantic hole in the lives of everyone who knew and loved him.

So here I sit, alone at my kitchen island long before the sun comes up, sipping coffee, and missing my son so badly I can barely breathe. But I like this time alone. I need this time alone. I need to have a time when I have no one to take care of and nothing that has to be done. I can sit here in the silence and pray and think, sifting through memories, and remembering a time when I could hold all three of my kids.

We're having a cookout and bonfire tonight in memory of Davy. The girls and I are spending the afternoon and evening with friends and family, doing two of the simple things he loved. It's not a gathering to mourn the years with him that were taken from us, but rather to celebrate the 24 years we got to spend with him.

Nothing cuts so deep or is slower to heal than losing a child. Actually, I don't know that it ever heals ... I think it just scabs over and quits bleeding ... but it never really heals.


Thursday, June 20, 2019

The Last Full Day of Davy's Life


We didn't know it at the time, of course ... but one year ago today, Davy was living the last full day of his life. Tomorrow will be one year. ONE YEAR! Hold on tight to those you have around you and let them know they are loved, because sadly, no one knows when it will be their time to go. Don't squander the opportunity to spoil the people you love and let them know how important they are to you. Good dishes aren't for just company ... sharing time and treasures with the ones you love the most are special occasions.

The next day, the day Davy died, I bought him ShrinersFest buttons so that he could see the air show at the riverfront. I took the kids to the air show every year when they were growing up. They all liked them, but Davy LOVED them, particularly the Blue Angels. I thought about taking the buttons to his house after I bought them and surprising him, but it was Friday night and rush hour and I'd have to go "all the way" on the east side ...so I didn't go. A decision I regret unto this day.

"Besides," I told myself, "I'll see him before then."


The next time I saw him, he was in a casket. I pinned one of the buttons on his shirt and kept the other for myself as a reminder to never put off doing something kind or going out of my way for the people who are special to me.

Pardon my French, but that was one hell of hard a lesson to learn.


Wednesday, June 19, 2019

"Dogs, Andy. They're All Dog."

The clip below is one of my favorites from the Andy Griffith Show. I'm sure there are plenty of people who will be offended and need to hug a puppy or color after viewing this ... but it's hilarious!!!

 

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Hit and Run ... and a $1,000 Reward


Whenever I see the words "Hit and Run" in a headline, I read the story ... partly because I'm hoping it's the same person that hit and killed Davy and we'll finally have an answer.

Today the paper ran an article about a hit and run with injuries, no fatalities. Of course, they're didn't release any information about the extent of the injuries, so it could turn into a fatality. I sure hope not, though.

One year later, hundreds and hundreds of tips later, we are still no closer to finding out who hit Davy and continued driving, leaving my son's lifeless body in the middle of the road. When he died, all his hopes and dreams died with him. The years he could have spent loving and playing with his babies were taken away, and the years the girls and I expected to spend with him vanished.

Remember, we are offering a $1,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of this person. They'll probably get off with a slap on the wrists, but hopefully a judge will force him/her/them to see his very young children who will never know their father, listen to his family and friends tell how this affected the our lives, and they'll have to live with our pain-filled voices and the memory of our tear stained faces for the rest of their life/lives. For information click here, or on the reward photo below:

http://jackiecolemanblog.blogspot.com/search?q=reward

Davy was loved not only by his family, but by the many lives he touched ... as was evident at his showing and funeral. I was overwhelmed by the number of people who came to pay their condolences, and it warmed my heart that he touched so many people. We will always miss you, Davy, and we'll be looking that 1998-2002 Honda Accord until this person is caught.








Monday, June 17, 2019

So What DID Davy Do With His Lunch Money?


A couple of months ago, my daughter asked me if I wanted to know what Davy did with his lunch money. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know or not, but I said yes. She said someone came up to her in the cafeteria at school and asked if her brother was there … that someone had told that him that if he ever needed money for lunch, that Davy would give it to him.

Davy used the money I gave him for lunch each day to buy lunches for kids with no money. Davy had his faults, but he had a huge, kind heart and was empathetic to those less fortunate. And yes … I cried when she told me … but they were tears of pride, not sadness.

Friday, June 14, 2019

Presents

From here on out, every time my girls ask me what I want for Mother's Day, my birthday or Christmas, I'm going to tell them "Scott's Orth GroundClear Vegetation Killer Concentrate". Every year, between April and October, I buy at LEAST twelve bottles of this stuff in the 2-gallon size. All totaled, I spend close to $500 on this stuff ... every year!

I spray it around the edging stones of flower beds and such (so that I don't have to weed eat), and in my driveway. I loathe weeds, but particularly those growing in my driveway!!! I also use it to kill poison ivy, oak, and sumac, and to clear paths in the woods.

For the most part, I really don't "need" anything ... except GroundClear!

Thursday, June 13, 2019

Turtle Sandbox

My rendering wasn't too far off from the actual look once the sandbox arrived!



Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Do You Ever Wish You Could Write Parking Tickets?

I love the police and am in awe at the sacrifice they face everyday when they are just doing their job ... but really?


Monday, June 10, 2019

Note the Shipping Price

I was on Amazon looking for a Little Tikes Cozy Coupe for my grandsons birthday. I found one that was about $5-$10 less than the others, so I clicked on it.

Note the shipping price ... $134.24!!! Needless to say, I did not buy that one!


Sunday, June 9, 2019

New Tile to Replace the New Tile

(This is the inside project I finished on my very productive Friday.) Back in February I took down the old tile on the back wall of the hall bathtub and replaced with different tile. At first, I loved it, but the longer I've lived with it, the less I liked it. It was my first attempt at laying tile, and I didn't do a stellar job. You can't see it in pictures, but there were a lot of "mistakes". My initial pride turned into loathing as I looked at my gaffes ... every ... single ... day.

So, despite the expense and labor, I reluctantly replaced the tile ... again ... and I'm so glad I did! This time, it's as perfect as an amateur can make it. And this time, I don't have to worry about others seeing it up close and thinking, "Hmmmm. I think she should have hired a professional." Maybe no one would have ever noticed, but the mistakes stood out to me like red pen from a teacher circling my incorrect answers on a test.

And I'm for done, done, done. I am NOT replacing this tile again! I don't think I will, but if I ever have the notion to replace it, I'm going to sit myself down and have a stern conversation with me. If that doesn't work, I'll send myself to time-out and/or I'll be grounded ... for however long it takes to get the notion of changing this tile out of my head!



Saturday, June 8, 2019

Busy, Productive Day Yesterday


Now that it's summer, I can work whatever hours I want ... just as long as I get my forty hours in. So, I've been going in really early, working ten hours, and I still get home in the early afternoon. AND, I get a three-day weekend all summer!. I took advantage of those afternoon hours and did a lot of work in the yard, but yesterday I tackled one of the bigger jobs.

A couple weekends ago I bought edging stones, landscape fabric, and had a bunch of mulch delivered. I was short on the edging, so I ran to Menard's for more after  my morning coffee yesterday, then headed home to get to work on the play area. I got the edging around the swing set, laid the landscape fabric, then added the mulch. I was so happy to get it done!

I ordered a sandbox turtle and a water station for the kiddo's, too, but those won't be delivered until next week. I am SO grateful to have fleet of ride-on toys, a pool (not set up yet), a toddler basketball hoop, t-ball set, bubbles, bubble mowers, balls, and a slew of other toys for the the little ones to play with when they come over. The older three are at the age where they need to be outside to run and play and explore ... and I'm more than happy to indulge them.

As I got to work outside yesterday, I thought about calling Davy to see if he wanted to come spend the day with me and help me get the play area done. A year after his death, I'm still reaching for the phone to call him. But I know he was there, watching and smiling from Heaven as I toiled away in the hot sun for his babies.

Getting the play area done wasn't intellectually difficult, but it was heavy, back-breaking work ... and but it was hot! Bending over, stooping, carrying a lot of weight, etc., took it's toll on me yesterday! (I am most definitely NOT sixteen anymore!) When I was done outside, my hands were black from the mulch, I was soaking with sweat, and my back, neck, and hips were screaming ... but after shower and a couple of ibuprofen, I felt brand new ... so I filled the hummingbird feeder (yet again!), watered the flowers, then began tackling a big project inside. I can't wait to get it completely finished ... and it's pretty close! Once it's done, I'll share the photo's.

All my grandbabies will be over in a few hours. It's supposed to rain and/or storm most of the day, but I'm hoping the weather cooperates and we can go outside and play at least part of the day. I LOVE the smiles on their sweet little faces as they fly around the backyard 😊

Laying the edging ...


Then the landscape fabric ...


Then the mulch (never mind that the edging stones don't line up at that one corner ... a sandbox is going there) ...


Here's what it will look like(ish) with the sandbox ...


I'll probably put the water station on the patio, where I can put the umbrella up and protect them from the sun ... and it's closer to the water source. I'm sure I'll be hauling water to the turtle so that they can make sand castles and form the sand into sea creatures with their molds. (The kenetic sand has spoiled them!)

The older two have been begging me to take them to the beach, and I plan to, but not until all of the babies can enjoy the sand and surf. It would be so fun to rent a beach house or condo with my little family for a week, but it won't be this year ... a newborn and a pregnant daughter would make the beach life less than optimal ... and I think my daughter-in-law would freak out if I suggested taking the kids to the ocean this summer!

I got several projects done this past week inside and outside ... but I'll save those "reveals" for later. As for now, I need top sweep and mop my floors! My life probably looks mindlessly boring to other people, but I fill my life with what makes me happy ... and what makes me happy is working in my yard and around my house ... and spending time with the people I love. In the end, that's all that really matters, isn't it?

Thursday, June 6, 2019

A Birthday Celebration (of sorts) for Davy



I've been working in the yard a lot lately (thanks for the humidity, Lord!) The girls and I are having a cookout and bonfire in on the 22nd of June in Davy's memory. Davy was ALWAYS down for a cookout, and he'd sit out at the fireplace sipping beer and laughing with his friends until the wee hours of the morning. We're honoring our brother and son by doing some of the simple things he loved the most. (Skateboarding was out of the question, but I can eat and sit in a chair and watch a fire!)

I've got the fireplace ready to go, and a friend has graciously offered wood for the bonfire. The swing set is up for the little ones to fly around on, and I've completed most, okay … half to two-thirds ... of the major yard projects I gave myself this year.

June 22nd will be a bittersweet day, but we are going to focus on the 24 years we got to spend with Davy … not the years that were taken away from us.

Davy could be a handful, but he had a huge, kind heart, and was always making us laugh. He was so funny! The 22nd will be a day for us to thank the Lord for giving us Davy for the short time He did. We all wish Davy's time on earth was MUCH longer, but we're thankful for the years we had together.

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Vectren Commercials

Does the sheer volume of Vectren commercials bother anyone else? All they show is how much updating they are doing, which is completely unnecessary. We can see the trucks all over the city and county. We know they are doing a lot of work ... but so is Waterworks, and they don't spend a boatload of money patting themselves on the back! They send road closure information to the television stations and the newspaper, and they inform us where water and sewer repairs and upgrades are taking place.

I don't know how much Vectren spends on advertising, but going by how expensive print advertising is, I can only guess they are spending hundreds of thousands of dollars of the money we pay for electricity for them to make elaborate commercials telling us what we already know ... and what the television stations and newspapers would do for free.

A blurb on their website, daily Tweets and Facebook posts would do the exact same thing and cost them NOTHING ... they already have people on staff whose job is is to do those things!

Their commercials are 100% wasted money. They are the only energy provider here. We are captive customers with no other choice. I'd much rather that they would follow the example of Waterworks and use free advertising. It's bad enough that they built a new headquarters building, on the riverfront with a balcony for executives and their guests to watch fireworks, air shows, hydroplane races, etc ... on what is arguably some of the most expensive land in the County ... and then they take the money we pay for "energy" and spend it on unnecessary, expensive commercials bragging about what a wonderful job they are doing. STOP!

Just use our hard-earned money to provide us gas and electricity. That's ALL we want to pay for ... and it's all we should HAVE to pay for.

Monday, June 3, 2019

They Built a Park!

Thing 2's generous, selfless husband (on his birthday, no less!) and his parents put together the swing set I bought a year and a half ago. The weather was gorgeous! The temperature was perfect, the humidity was low, and a light breeze kept us all cool and comfortable.



When the babies mom came to get them, Sweet Pea ran up to her Nana and said, "They built a park!"

All four babies were as good as gold. I am so grateful to have the swing set up so that the babies can run and play in the backyard. They were getting way too big to be cooped up in my living room!

For lunch I grilled hot dogs and chicken with lots of sides. Thing 1's son pooped out just as lunch began and took a long nap, but Super Why and Sweet Pea held in there, and sweet baby E spent the day napping on my daughter's chest, sitting on my lap, or in her little vibrating lounger enjoying the breeze and watching all the activity.

It was a really, really good day😊





Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Mystery Solved

For years (and years and years), I've heard what sounded like monkeys in the rain forest. Today as I was opening my curtains after getting out of bed, I saw a woodpecker pecking on a tree. It stopped, leaned back, and screamed like a monkey in the rain forest.

Mystery solved and I can quit wondering where the monkeys are! lol

Monday, May 27, 2019

Happy Memorial Day!

As you are grilling out, swimming, or doing whatever it is your family and friends have planned for today, don't forget to take a moment to thank the Veteran's that gave their life to give us the privilege to do whatever we want, today and always. I know it sounds cliche, but freedom isn't free. It has been, and continues to be bought and paid for by the blood of patriots.

To the families who lost loved ones, my heart goes out to you ... but know that your loved one died for the noblest of causes. I'm sorry for your loss. I know those words don't take the sting out, but know that there are millions of people grateful for what they have done for us. I understand if you are justifiably sad, and probably angry ... but you should also be very proud.

Thursday, May 23, 2019

Flattery Will Get You Everywhere :)

A friend I went to grade school and high school with posted a picture on Facebook of her, her husband, and their beautiful dog riding on the ferry from Hatteras to Ocracoke Island. I LOVE Ocracoke, so I HAD to replay. Here's our conversation ...


I am SO flattered that MY books is on a summer reading list!!!!! Pretty cool, huh?!!!!!

Wow! I'm Honored!

This little boy is all about his Dada. As far as he's concerned, Dada hung the moon and the stars and his world revolves around his Daddy. Dada gets snuggles from this little guy that everyone else would kill for.

I watched this indefatigable little critter Sunday evening while his parents when to a reception, and he he kept me quite busy! I tried to take a few photo's, but they're all blurry. This kid is in constant motion!

When it came time for bed, I bundled him up in his sleepy-sack, turned on his air conditioner and sound machine. He cried for his requisite 30 seconds, then quieted down.

My daughter sent me this text the next day on Monday morning ...


I was flabbergasted! This little boy has woken up calling for Dada since the moment he learned to speak ... never Mama ... ALWAYS Dada, but Monday he woke up asking and looking for ME! To say I'm flattered is a monumental understatement!!!!

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Eleven Months Today


Pierre Funeral Home has a service you can sign up for to help you through the grieving process. They call them "Daily Email Affirmations".  Following is the one I got recently. I think it's quite appropriate, particularly for me ... I hate roller coasters.
___________________________________________

Are You on the Roller Coaster? - Day #329

I don't know about you, but I don't like roller coasters. I don't like the loss of personal control; of being taken for a perilous and frightening ride. I don't like that feeling in my stomach when the car plummets downward; or the anxiety felt when it climbs to another summit, only to plunge once again into the unknown. Fear is the overriding emotion for me during the eternity of a roller coaster experience.

What a great metaphor for grieving. Your emotions can hit hard, and at unexpected moments, which makes the impact seem even harder to bear. Being aware of the unpredictable nature of your emotions will help you stand firm during each new barrage.

Bette Davis says in the film All about Eve, "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night!" And to that I say ... "Strap in tight. This is a wild ride, but it will end."
___________________________________________

Quotation for the Day
Nobody ever told me that grief felt so like fear. ~ C.S. Lewis
___________________________________________

(c) 2019 Daily Email Affirmations is a product of Grief Connections & Pierre Funeral Home.

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

New Sheets & Throw Pillows


I really did try to like the navy sheets and throw pillows with the cream and gold bedding ... but I just didn't like the look ... so I bought cream sheets and new throw pillows. MUCH better!

Sunday, May 12, 2019

A Mother's Day Coupon from Davy

This was from Mother's Day 2005, when Davy was in 4th grade. He had Mr. Hendrickson that year. Mr. Hendrickson was a wonderful teacher, the kind you pray your kids will have. I wish Mr. Henderickson could have been Davy's teacher every year.

The coupon says it's good forever, so I would like to collect that kiss ... right now.



PLEASE KEEP YOUR EYE OUT
FOR THE CAR THAT KILLED MY SON!
Even if you don't live in the Evansville area, please keep an eye out for this car. It was traveling South on I-69. It could have been coming from and going to anywhere. The Sheriff's office will follow up any ANY lead.

The Sheriff’s Office has identified the make and model of the suspect vehicle from the fatal hit and run crash that killed 23-year old David “Davy” Egan, father of two, on Friday, June 22, 2018 on I-69 near south Green River Road.

SUSPECT VEHICLE: Silver 1998-2002 Honda Accord sedan. 2-door or 4-door body style. The vehicle will have damage to the front end.

If you know of a vehicle matching this description, please contact the Sheriff's Office TIP line at 812-421-6297 or leave a web tip here.