Don't forget to visit my website! Jackie Coleman - Author

Saturday, August 3, 2019

The Meg

Thing 2 and Davy lived for shark week. They'd watch all those ridiculous shark movies and laugh their heads off. "The Meg" was scheduled to come out last summer, and Thing 2 was going to take Davy to see it at the movies. Sadly, he was killed before it was released. After spending thousands and thousands of hours of their childhood at Burdette, watching a silly shark movie there seemed like a great way to honor him ... to do one of the things he would have loved to do. I'm sure the movie was expected to be scary ... it wasn't!

Last night a group of us went to Burdette Park for "The Meg Float-In". You could either float around in the pool or lounge in one of the deck chairs while watching "The Meg" ... a cheesy sci-fi movie about scientists accidentally releasing prehistoric megalodons from deep withing the ocean. Wikipedia says megalodons reached a maximum length of 59 feet. However, the ones in the movie were 90 feet long. (Creative license, I suppose!)

The movie wasn't nearly as ridiculous and comical as a lot of shark movies shown during Shark Week, but it wasn't as "scary" as Jaws ... and it was definitely predictable!

My daughters opted to float in the pool most of the time, but us old ladies ... although we all wore swim suits ... opted to sit in deck chairs at the edge of the pool. And, since I'm notoriously early, we were able to grab front row seats. They had to keep the spotlights on so that the lifeguards (and parents) could see everyone, which made it a little difficult to watch the shockingly small screen, but it was still fun hanging out with my daughters and friends and making fun of the plot and dialogue.

There were a lot of people there, but Burdette's baby pull is huge, with plenty of room to accomodate everyone who wanted to float or lounge on the deck. All in all, it was a very pleasant evening, and I'm glad we went.

Thursday, August 1, 2019

I am Really Struggling

After Davy died, I read that sometimes the second year is worse than the first. I really hoped that wasn't going to be the case ... but it is. It's infinitely worse. I have also heard from someone that year three is much, MUCH better. I hate to wish my life away, but I sure wish I were in year three.

I am really struggling to come to terms with the fact that my son is gone ... that his sisters are mourning so deeply for him ... and that he did not get the pleasure of watching is little children grow up. He got just two birthdays with his son and only one with his daughter. To me, that is so sad.

Life isn't fair and it doesn't always make sense. I am working very hard at finding joy and happiness, but at this point in my story, it's eluding me.

One day I'll be whole again. One day I'll laugh and be happy. It's hard to conceive, but I know it's true. I just have to plow through the sludge a while longer to get there.

Wednesday, July 31, 2019


It seems as though another fairy family has taken up residence in my backyard!

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Cozy Coupes

My little family has a long history of driving Cozy Coupes!


Officer Super Why (who looks like he's getting car-jacked!)

Sweet Pea

And Hercules!

He'd rather push the cars around, but sometimes he gets in and drives.

Thursday, July 18, 2019

Another Rainbow!

The other morning there was a complete double rainbow across the sky when I was leaving downtown. Thing 2 said it was Davy saying "Good morning." I like that idea.

Then this morning I was out by the airport around 6:00 and saw a piece of a rainbow. I was hoping Davy would send me another rainbow ... and he did :)

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Crepe Myrtles

I severely trimmed my Crepe Myrtles the other night. It was kind of sad, because the blooms had to be cut off to get them to the shape I wanted them to be. I had always intended to train them to grow into trees, but I had neglected to trim them, so they were wild. They all got quite a haircut!

I had to stake two of them to draw them straight. They look a little strange (and sad) now ... particularly the one on the far right ... but I'm hoping by next year they'll behave and become the trees they were meant to be!

If they don't make it, I'll rip them out and plant something else!

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Hummingbird Heaven

I ran to Rural King to see what plants they might have on clearance ... nothing but herbs ... so I bought some hummingbird feeders. Five to be exact, so now I have six hummingbird feeders around my house. There's the original one at the kitchen window, one in the living room window, the bathroom window, and outside each bedroom. I barely got them hung before I heard those tiny 747's buzzing by!!

You might have to zoom in to see them ... but they're there!

Monday, July 15, 2019


I had to take a detour, through a rather seedy part of town, and came across this sickening display ...

Can you believe we're still dealing with this in 2019?????

Wednesday, July 10, 2019


I don't live my life to the fullest. I used to, just not lately. Even when I was living to the fullest, I rarely did so with the gusto Davy did ... always! He was fearless and ready for any adventure at a moments notice. I admired that in him and wished it was a quality I possessed more fully. Davy can't go on any more adventures ... but I can go for him. I need to use him for inspiration and LIVE the rest of my life in honor of the adventures Davy will no longer get to take.

Monday, July 1, 2019

A Star for Davy

When we had the cookout a couple weekends ago, one of my sisters and her son stopped by a few hours before the "party". Neither of them could make it to the cookout, but they wanted to drop off a present for me ... a star named in Davy's memory!

I wanted to do this. I went so far as to put a start in my cart, but didn't check out. I am SO grateful to my sister and her family for doing this for me!

My family has been phenomenal this past year as the girls and I mourned Davy. They worried about us, called, sent small gifts, etc. I am very grateful to have such a caring family ... and I hope I'm the only one who has to lose a child. I wouldn't wish something like that on my worst enemy.

This past year has been a challenge and I think the coming year will be challenging as well, but I'm surrounded by friends and family that are always there for me. Despite the tragedies that have visited us these past few years, I still feel very blessed.

Thursday, June 27, 2019

Happy 25th Birthday Davy!

We laid you to rest one year ago today, on your 24th birthday. I'm jealous that God and Jesus and the angels get to celebrate another birthday with you and I don't 😥.

I love and miss you, son. Happy Birthday, Davy.

Monday, June 24, 2019

One Year and One Day

Yesterday was a tough day for me and the girls. Davy died on June 22nd, but we didn't find out until the wee hours of the morning on the 23rd, so the 23rd is a hard day, too. Tara and I both woke up about the time we got the call. I laid there, reliving that day, wanting more than anything to realize it was 2018 and that day was all just a dream. It wasn't.

I went to see Tara and Victor in the afternoon. As I drove to her house, the air show was going on at the river and I could see the planes, and I started crying. Oh, how Davy loved those air shows!!! I took the kids to see them every year. Honestly, I didn't really care much for the air shows. They were cool and all, but I took them so that I could see the look of happiness and awe on the kids faces! THAT was what I paid to see!

Saturday, June 22, 2019

One Year

Davy was killed one year ago today. I remember when he first died, when I was counting the time in days, then weeks, then months. I couldn't comprehend a life that no longer included my son. I was dreading when I would be counting it in years ... and here I am.

2018 was the hardest year of my life. I walked around in a fog of disbelief for months. I guess as a way of protecting myself, I was numb. It's funny how your mind can do that, isn't it ... just go numb so that you don't have to deal with something too painful to process? Sadly, the numbness doesn't last forever and you're forced to mourn. I didn't want to grieve for my son! I wanted my son here ... with me! Parents aren't supposed to bury their children!

I spent the first six months trying to make things easier for my daughters and trying to find ways to make sure Davy's babies remembered him. I knew all the holiday firsts without him would be difficult, and I was right, but it really hit me on New Years Day when I went to the grocery. I swear, every family with a son was shopping that day. I didn't see any daughters ... just sons ... and it hit me like a ton of bricks that I would never be able to do something as simple and mundane as shopping with my son ever again. People go shopping with their kids every day and don't think anything about it ... until the day they realize they will never be able to do that again.

Memories and pictures of Davy still make me cry. Sometimes I can hold back the tears, sometimes I can't ... even now ... a year later. The girls and I will never be the same people we were before Davy died. I can see it in my daughter's smiles. They aren't as bright as they used to be. There is a sadness in our eyes that a smile can't mask.

Losing someone is always difficult, but never more so than when it's your child. I liken it to losing a limb ... you can learn to live without it, but there's never a moment that goes by that you aren't aware that it's gone. It's a poor analogy, but it's the only thing I can come up with that is somehow relateable as to how profound and constant the loss is.

I know the heaviness in my heart will lessen and the pain won't always be this acute, but it will always be there. In the years to come, I may not cry as often, but I will cry for my son for the rest of my days. My daughters will cry for their brother, and his babies will long to know the man they know only from pictures and stories. Davy was not a giant man, but he left a gigantic hole in the lives of everyone who knew and loved him.

So here I sit, alone at my kitchen island long before the sun comes up, sipping coffee, and missing my son so badly I can barely breathe. But I like this time alone. I need this time alone. I need to have a time when I have no one to take care of and nothing that has to be done. I can sit here in the silence and pray and think, sifting through memories, and remembering a time when I could hold all three of my kids.

We're having a cookout and bonfire tonight in memory of Davy. The girls and I are spending the afternoon and evening with friends and family, doing two of the simple things he loved. It's not a gathering to mourn the years with him that were taken from us, but rather to celebrate the 24 years we got to spend with him.

Nothing cuts so deep or is slower to heal than losing a child. Actually, I don't know that it ever heals ... I think it just scabs over and quits bleeding ... but it never really heals.

Thursday, June 20, 2019

The Last Full Day of Davy's Life

We didn't know it at the time, of course ... but one year ago today, Davy was living the last full day of his life. Tomorrow will be one year. ONE YEAR! Hold on tight to those you have around you and let them know they are loved, because sadly, no one knows when it will be their time to go. Don't squander the opportunity to spoil the people you love and let them know how important they are to you. Good dishes aren't for just company ... sharing time and treasures with the ones you love the most are special occasions.

The next day, the day Davy died, I bought him ShrinersFest buttons so that he could see the air show at the riverfront. I took the kids to the air show every year when they were growing up. They all liked them, but Davy LOVED them, particularly the Blue Angels. I thought about taking the buttons to his house after I bought them and surprising him, but it was Friday night and rush hour and I'd have to go "all the way" on the east side I didn't go. A decision I regret unto this day.

"Besides," I told myself, "I'll see him before then."

The next time I saw him, he was in a casket. I pinned one of the buttons on his shirt and kept the other for myself as a reminder to never put off doing something kind or going out of my way for the people who are special to me.

Pardon my French, but that was one hell of hard a lesson to learn.

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

"Dogs, Andy. They're All Dog."

The clip below is one of my favorites from the Andy Griffith Show. I'm sure there are plenty of people who will be offended and need to hug a puppy or color after viewing this ... but it's hilarious!!!


Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Hit and Run ... and a $1,000 Reward

Whenever I see the words "Hit and Run" in a headline, I read the story ... partly because I'm hoping it's the same person that hit and killed Davy and we'll finally have an answer.

Today the paper ran an article about a hit and run with injuries, no fatalities. Of course, they're didn't release any information about the extent of the injuries, so it could turn into a fatality. I sure hope not, though.

One year later, hundreds and hundreds of tips later, we are still no closer to finding out who hit Davy and continued driving, leaving my son's lifeless body in the middle of the road. When he died, all his hopes and dreams died with him. The years he could have spent loving and playing with his babies were taken away, and the years the girls and I expected to spend with him vanished.

Remember, we are offering a $1,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of this person. They'll probably get off with a slap on the wrists, but hopefully a judge will force him/her/them to see his very young children who will never know their father, listen to his family and friends tell how this affected the our lives, and they'll have to live with our pain-filled voices and the memory of our tear stained faces for the rest of their life/lives. For information click here, or on the reward photo below:

Davy was loved not only by his family, but by the many lives he touched ... as was evident at his showing and funeral. I was overwhelmed by the number of people who came to pay their condolences, and it warmed my heart that he touched so many people. We will always miss you, Davy, and we'll be looking that 1998-2002 Honda Accord until this person is caught.

Monday, June 17, 2019

So What DID Davy Do With His Lunch Money?

A couple of months ago, my daughter asked me if I wanted to know what Davy did with his lunch money. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know or not, but I said yes. She said someone came up to her in the cafeteria at school and asked if her brother was there … that someone had told that him that if he ever needed money for lunch, that Davy would give it to him.

Davy used the money I gave him for lunch each day to buy lunches for kids with no money. Davy had his faults, but he had a huge, kind heart and was empathetic to those less fortunate. And yes … I cried when she told me … but they were tears of pride, not sadness.

Friday, June 14, 2019


From here on out, every time my girls ask me what I want for Mother's Day, my birthday or Christmas, I'm going to tell them "Scott's Orth GroundClear Vegetation Killer Concentrate". Every year, between April and October, I buy at LEAST twelve bottles of this stuff in the 2-gallon size. All totaled, I spend close to $500 on this stuff ... every year!

I spray it around the edging stones of flower beds and such (so that I don't have to weed eat), and in my driveway. I loathe weeds, but particularly those growing in my driveway!!! I also use it to kill poison ivy, oak, and sumac, and to clear paths in the woods.

For the most part, I really don't "need" anything ... except GroundClear!

Thursday, June 13, 2019

Turtle Sandbox

My rendering wasn't too far off from the actual look once the sandbox arrived!

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Do You Ever Wish You Could Write Parking Tickets?

I love the police and am in awe at the sacrifice they face everyday when they are just doing their job ... but really?

Monday, June 10, 2019

Note the Shipping Price

I was on Amazon looking for a Little Tikes Cozy Coupe for my grandsons birthday. I found one that was about $5-$10 less than the others, so I clicked on it.

Note the shipping price ... $134.24!!! Needless to say, I did not buy that one!

Sunday, June 9, 2019

New Tile to Replace the New Tile

(This is the inside project I finished on my very productive Friday.) Back in February I took down the old tile on the back wall of the hall bathtub and replaced with different tile. At first, I loved it, but the longer I've lived with it, the less I liked it. It was my first attempt at laying tile, and I didn't do a stellar job. You can't see it in pictures, but there were a lot of "mistakes". My initial pride turned into loathing as I looked at my gaffes ... every ... single ... day.

So, despite the expense and labor, I reluctantly replaced the tile ... again ... and I'm so glad I did! This time, it's as perfect as an amateur can make it. And this time, I don't have to worry about others seeing it up close and thinking, "Hmmmm. I think she should have hired a professional." Maybe no one would have ever noticed, but the mistakes stood out to me like red pen from a teacher circling my incorrect answers on a test.

And I'm for done, done, done. I am NOT replacing this tile again! I don't think I will, but if I ever have the notion to replace it, I'm going to sit myself down and have a stern conversation with me. If that doesn't work, I'll send myself to time-out and/or I'll be grounded ... for however long it takes to get the notion of changing this tile out of my head!

Saturday, June 8, 2019

Busy, Productive Day Yesterday

Now that it's summer, I can work whatever hours I want ... just as long as I get my forty hours in. So, I've been going in really early, working ten hours, and I still get home in the early afternoon. AND, I get a three-day weekend all summer!. I took advantage of those afternoon hours and did a lot of work in the yard, but yesterday I tackled one of the bigger jobs.

A couple weekends ago I bought edging stones, landscape fabric, and had a bunch of mulch delivered. I was short on the edging, so I ran to Menard's for more after  my morning coffee yesterday, then headed home to get to work on the play area. I got the edging around the swing set, laid the landscape fabric, then added the mulch. I was so happy to get it done!

I ordered a sandbox turtle and a water station for the kiddo's, too, but those won't be delivered until next week. I am SO grateful to have fleet of ride-on toys, a pool (not set up yet), a toddler basketball hoop, t-ball set, bubbles, bubble mowers, balls, and a slew of other toys for the the little ones to play with when they come over. The older three are at the age where they need to be outside to run and play and explore ... and I'm more than happy to indulge them.

As I got to work outside yesterday, I thought about calling Davy to see if he wanted to come spend the day with me and help me get the play area done. A year after his death, I'm still reaching for the phone to call him. But I know he was there, watching and smiling from Heaven as I toiled away in the hot sun for his babies.

Getting the play area done wasn't intellectually difficult, but it was heavy, back-breaking work ... and but it was hot! Bending over, stooping, carrying a lot of weight, etc., took it's toll on me yesterday! (I am most definitely NOT sixteen anymore!) When I was done outside, my hands were black from the mulch, I was soaking with sweat, and my back, neck, and hips were screaming ... but after shower and a couple of ibuprofen, I felt brand new ... so I filled the hummingbird feeder (yet again!), watered the flowers, then began tackling a big project inside. I can't wait to get it completely finished ... and it's pretty close! Once it's done, I'll share the photo's.

All my grandbabies will be over in a few hours. It's supposed to rain and/or storm most of the day, but I'm hoping the weather cooperates and we can go outside and play at least part of the day. I LOVE the smiles on their sweet little faces as they fly around the backyard 😊

Laying the edging ...

Then the landscape fabric ...

Then the mulch (never mind that the edging stones don't line up at that one corner ... a sandbox is going there) ...

Here's what it will look like(ish) with the sandbox ...

I'll probably put the water station on the patio, where I can put the umbrella up and protect them from the sun ... and it's closer to the water source. I'm sure I'll be hauling water to the turtle so that they can make sand castles and form the sand into sea creatures with their molds. (The kenetic sand has spoiled them!)

The older two have been begging me to take them to the beach, and I plan to, but not until all of the babies can enjoy the sand and surf. It would be so fun to rent a beach house or condo with my little family for a week, but it won't be this year ... a newborn and a pregnant daughter would make the beach life less than optimal ... and I think my daughter-in-law would freak out if I suggested taking the kids to the ocean this summer!

I got several projects done this past week inside and outside ... but I'll save those "reveals" for later. As for now, I need top sweep and mop my floors! My life probably looks mindlessly boring to other people, but I fill my life with what makes me happy ... and what makes me happy is working in my yard and around my house ... and spending time with the people I love. In the end, that's all that really matters, isn't it?