Don't forget to visit my website! Jackie Coleman - Author

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Davy's Ultrasounds and Our Hospital Bracelets


If you click on the picture to enlarge it, you can see where they note different body parts ... because the ultrasounds they had in the 90's are nothing like the ones they have today.

When I went for the ultrasound to find out what sex the baby was, there were two technicians in the room. In unison, they both said "It's a boy!" My mom went with me on that appointment. She'd never seen an ultrasound done before. She had nine babies. I wonder if she would have wanted to know the sex if that had been an option back then.

Thing 2 was surprised that I still had the ultrasound scans and the hospital bracelets. Of course I kept them! I have hers and Thing 1's as well!


PLEASE KEEP YOUR EYE OUT
FOR THE CAR THAT KILLED MY SON!
Even if you don't live in the Evansville area, please keep an eye out for this car. It was traveling South on I-69. It could have been coming from and going to anywhere. The Sheriff's office will follow up any ANY lead.

The Sheriff’s Office has identified the make and model of the suspect vehicle from the fatal hit and run crash that killed 23-year old David “Davy” Egan, father of two, on Friday, June 22, 2018 on I-69 near south Green River Road.

SUSPECT VEHICLE: Silver 1998-2002 Honda Accord sedan. 2-door or 4-door body style. The vehicle will have damage to the front end.

If you know of a vehicle matching this description, please contact the Sheriff's Office TIP line at 812-421-6297 or leave a web tip here.

Monday, July 30, 2018

Watering Daddy's Tree


Every weekend, these sweet babies water their Daddy's tree. It makes me as happy as it does sad. At Burdette last weekend, Sweet Pea was laying beside me on a chair. We were looking up the the puffy clouds and blue skies. There were trees above us, and she pointed to them and said, "Daddy's tree!" A man who resembled my son was sitting close by with his family and she thought it was her Daddy. It breaks my heart that she and her brother will never know him.



PLEASE KEEP YOUR EYE OUT
FOR THE CAR THAT KILLED MY SON!
Even if you don't live in the Evansville area, please keep an eye out for this car. It was traveling South on I-69. It could have been coming from and going to anywhere. The Sheriff's office will follow up any ANY lead.

The Sheriff’s Office has identified the make and model of the suspect vehicle from the fatal hit and run crash that killed 23-year old David “Davy” Egan, father of two, on Friday, June 22, 2018 on I-69 near south Green River Road.

SUSPECT VEHICLE: Silver 1998-2002 Honda Accord sedan. 2-door or 4-door body style. The vehicle will have damage to the front end.

If you know of a vehicle matching this description, please contact the Sheriff's Office TIP line at 812-421-6297 or leave a web tip here.

Sunday, July 29, 2018

The Front Flowerbed

It took three trips to Home Depot, but I finally picked up the blocks to line my front flowerbed yesterday ... something I have been intending to do since I planted it in 2016. The blocks looked much more marbled and tan at the store. When I got them home, they looked like plain concrete, and they really clashed with the house.


I didn't like them at all, but three more trips to Home Depot to return them ... and another three trips to get different ones didn't appeal to me at all. I figured I'd buy some concrete stain in a more appropriate color.

Then I noticed they were the color I thought they were when I got them wet ...


Today, I made another trip to Home Depot to get some concrete stain. However, I was a product that made them look wet, and it was about half the cost of the stain. You can really see the difference it makes in this picture ...


As the product dries, it does lighten a bit, but I've got enough to put another coat on them and darken them a bit more. Still, it looks so much better.




PLEASE KEEP YOUR EYE OUT
FOR THE CAR THAT KILLED MY SON!
Even if you don't live in the Evansville area, please keep an eye out for this car. It was traveling South on I-69. It could have been coming from and going to anywhere. The Sheriff's office will follow up any ANY lead.

The Sheriff’s Office has identified the make and model of the suspect vehicle from the fatal hit and run crash that killed 23-year old David “Davy” Egan, father of two, on Friday, June 22, 2018 on I-69 near south Green River Road.

SUSPECT VEHICLE: Silver 1998-2002 Honda Accord sedan. 2-door or 4-door body style. The vehicle will have damage to the front end.

If you know of a vehicle matching this description, please contact the Sheriff's Office TIP line at 812-421-6297 or leave a web tip here.

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Davy and Ben

Davy and Ben in the treehouse.
We moved into my old house in 1999, a few weeks before Davy turned five. A few house up the street was a family with five boys and one girl. Davy was instant friends with Ben, and later his little brother Noah.

Whoever woke up first would eat breakfast, then head to the others house as fast as they could … and the day would begin. They'd come in for drinks and snacks, but they spent every day going full speed, from one adventure to another. Ben and Noah were good kids and they came from a good family. I got to know a lot of my neighbors pretty well. I felt fortunate to have such good neighbors, and doubly grateful that the boys my son played with were being raised with the same Christian upbringing.

When Davy died, Ben came to the visitation, inconsolable. He had spent nearly every day of his youth with my son. He was shocked and heartbroken, and it broke my heart to see him in such pain.

I don't know what those boys played all day, but they never seemed to run out of something to do. I probably don't want to know what all they did! When I called Davy in for the night, he was covered in dirt and sweat … exhausted and smiling. Seeing those boys so dirty and sweaty … and smelling like puppies … made me so happy. I was so thankful that Davy had good friends, just a few houses away. There were other little boys in the neighborhood, but Davy and Ben and Noah were the best of friends.

Ben is an artist and asked if he could paint a picture of Davy. Of course, I was thrilled and said yes. He came over last night and we went through pictures. Ben told me some of the things he and Davy did growing up. All I can say is that it's a good thing I didn't know what all they were up to! They weren't doing anything really wrong, just things that would have stopped my heart if I had seen them!

Painting Davy is Ben's way of honoring his friend, and it's been weighing on his heart to get started. Ben was a good kid, and he's a fine young adult. I'm glad he was Davy's friend.

No one can believe that Davy, so full of energy and life and always up for an adventure, is gone. It doesn't seem fair that he was taken so young, and I'll wonder "Why?" for the rest of my days. Still, I believe everything happens for a reason, but I know what my first question for God will be … "Why?"

PLEASE KEEP YOUR EYE OUT
FOR THE CAR THAT KILLED MY SON!
Even if you don't live in the Evansville area, please keep an eye out for this car. It was traveling South on I-69. It could have been coming from and going to anywhere. The Sheriff's office will follow up any ANY lead.

The Sheriff’s Office has identified the make and model of the suspect vehicle from the fatal hit and run crash that killed 23-year old David “Davy” Egan, father of two, on Friday, June 22, 2018 on I-69 near south Green River Road.

SUSPECT VEHICLE: Silver 1998-2002 Honda Accord sedan. 2-door or 4-door body style. The vehicle will have damage to the front end.

If you know of a vehicle matching this description, please contact the Sheriff's Office TIP line at 812-421-6297 or leave a web tip here.

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Checkerboard Race Flag Curtains

I redecorated the kids rooms several times when they were growing up. The biggest chore was staining and varnishing the hardwood floors, but the result was stunning and definitely worth the effort.

Davy had one red wall, the wall opposite the door, with two large windows. The other three walls were white. He had a loft full-size bed with black chalkboard guards, with a checkerboard pattern running across the top.


His walls were adorned with all kinds of street signs I bought on eBay and Craigslist. I made his curtains because I couldn't find any that were exactly like I wanted. I used a big checkerboard pattern for the valance, and a small checkerboard pattern for the curtains.

It wasn't until I started working on them that I realized that pattern causes vertigo! I was sick to my stomach by the time I got done, but they looked so good hanging in his room. I wanted his room to be perfect, so I'm glad I made him those curtains … but I don't think I'll be making any more checkerboard curtains … ever!

PLEASE KEEP YOUR EYE OUT
FOR THE CAR THAT KILLED MY SON!
Even if you don't live in the Evansville area, please keep an eye out for this car. It was traveling South on I-69. It could have been coming from and going to anywhere. The Sheriff's office will follow up any ANY lead.

The Sheriff’s Office has identified the make and model of the suspect vehicle from the fatal hit and run crash that killed 23-year old David “Davy” Egan, father of two, on Friday, June 22, 2018 on I-69 near south Green River Road.

SUSPECT VEHICLE: Silver 1998-2002 Honda Accord sedan. 2-door or 4-door body style. The vehicle will have damage to the front end.

If you know of a vehicle matching this description, please contact the Sheriff's Office TIP line at 812-421-6297 or leave a web tip here.

Monday, July 23, 2018

Davy's Daughter Turns Two Today


This sweet, sassy, pretty little girl turns two today. It's almost impossible to get a picture of her alone ... wherever her brother is, she's there, too! I don't think it's a stretch to say she's the most cuddly two-year-old in the entire world!

It breaks my heart that Davy doesn't get to enjoy watching her grow up.





PLEASE KEEP YOUR EYE OUT
FOR THE CAR THAT KILLED MY SON!
Even if you don't live in the Evansville area, please keep an eye out for this car. It was traveling South on I-69. It could have been coming from and going to anywhere. The Sheriff's office will follow up any ANY lead.

The Sheriff’s Office has identified the make and model of the suspect vehicle from the fatal hit and run crash that killed 23-year old David “Davy” Egan, father of two, on Friday, June 22, 2018 on I-69 near south Green River Road.

SUSPECT VEHICLE: Silver 1998-2002 Honda Accord sedan. 2-door or 4-door body style. The vehicle will have damage to the front end.

If you know of a vehicle matching this description, please contact the Sheriff's Office TIP line at 812-421-6297 or leave a web tip here.

Sunday, July 22, 2018

It's Been One Month Today

The first time the girls met their baby brother.
It doesn't feel like a month has passed. It feels like the detective just told me, as kindly as he could, that Davy was killed by a hit and run driver. My knees buckled, and I sank to the porch, all the while shaking my head no and saying, "No. God had a purpose for him. He can't be dead. I don't believe you."

When my best friend and I took the photo's we wanted to display, a flash drive containing digital pictures for a slide show, his black belt from karate, and clothes he was to be buried in to the funeral home, my friend got out one of the pictures and showed it to the man getting Davy ready for viewing, and asked, "Are you sure it's him?" He nodded his head, telling us he got on Facebook to see pictures of Davy, how he wore his hair, etc.

I still held out hope … until I saw him in the casket. It really was Davy. It was true. Davy was really dead. But, inside my head I was screaming, "No! God had a purpose for him! He can't be dead!"

Leaving the funeral home after his funeral was the hardest part. Davy wasn't in that casket … that was just the shell he used here on earth … but at least I could see him … and touch him. I lingered for a long, long time. I didn't want to leave. Outside, people were waiting on me in the parking lot to sing him Happy Birthday and release 24 balloons. I finally forced myself to walk outside. I mouthed the words to Happy Birthday, but I couldn't sing. I was crying too hard.




I spent the next week and a half distributing flyers, asking for someone to come forward with information. I posted them, my family posted them, and my friends posted them. A lot of leads came in … and they're still coming in, and the detective personally follows up on them. He's driven all over the tri-state, but none of the vehicles were the one that killed Davy.


My daughters seem to be having a harder time dealing with this than I am. I think it's because I'm older and more able to keep my emotions in check in front of other people. I've spent my life hiding my tears and fears from my kids. I never wanted them to see me cry, because if I cry, they'd be afraid, and the things I wanted to cry about were my problems, not theirs. I had three beautiful, happy little children. I couldn't cry in front of them. I cried a lot, but only after they were sound asleep at night. The girls have told me "You don't be strong for us, Mama. Don't keep everything bottled up." I don't keep things bottled up, not entirely anyway, but I DO have to be strong for them. If I start crying, they will, too, and we're all probably on the verge of dehydration from all the tears we've shed as it is.


I used to count the time since Davy was killed in days. Now I'll have to count them in months. One day, I'll be counting them in years. He was the baby of the family. He was my baby. I breastfed him. I rocked him to sleep at night for years. I cuddled him and smothered him with kisses and told him I loved him all day, every day. I did everything humanly possible to give him a wonderful childhood. I sacrificed things I needed to give my kids the things they wanted, and I was happy to do it. because that's what parents do … they put their kids before themselves.




When the kids were young, I was barely making ends meet. I would take them to McDonald's after church on Sunday and get them all a Happy Meal and then they'd play on the indoor playground. They'd always ask me why I didn't get anything for myself. The truth was, I didn't have the money to buy myself anything, but they didn't have to know that. Besides, they only ate a small portion of their meals … there was plenty to fill me up when they were done … with food still leftover.

We would have picnics on our porch or in the backyard, or at one of the thousands of playgrounds in the city and surrounding counties. Taking them to a playground they had never played on before was an adventure for them! They'd scatter in three different directions, all yelling, "Mama! Watch me!" or "Mama, did you see me?" I don't know how, but I got pretty good at looking at all three of them and seeing all the things they did. Even if I missed their great feat, I'd praise them as though I saw them, and they never knew I didn't.




Other times, I would load up the kids bikes and drive to New Harmony State Park, find an empty parking lot and let them ride as fast and far as they wanted. They knew not to go out of the parking lot, and they never did. When they tired of riding their bikes, we'd have a picnic or a snack. When it started getting dark, we'd load up in the car and drive through the park slowly. Deer were everywhere. Since it was a sanctuary, they weren't afraid of people, and the kids got to see them close up, just outside the car window, or leisurely eating in the fields, just out of reach.


During the day, when we stayed home, they'd play out back on their swing set, their sandbox, or their playhouse. I'd set up the pool or the sprinkler and they run through it and squeal with delight. When Davy was little, he'd be in his walker, he'd splash the water on the tray and giggle. We'd sit on the front porch swing after dinner, all piled up together, and talk and sing and giggle. When it was time for bed, we'd sit in a circle, holding hands, and pray together. The kids would pray individually, then I'd pray.


We were poor back then, but the kids didn't know it. They felt privileged … and they were. They were privileged because they had a mother who played with them every single day. We ate dinner together every single night. I'd make play dough for them during their naps. They wake up to find three tubs of play dough and were as excited as a 16-year old being presented a new car on their birthday! One night I stayed up and sewed dozens of bean bags for them to wake up to in the morning. You'd be surprised at how many games you can play with bean bags!



There were vacations to the beach and weekend adventures to attractions close by. I had season passes to the zoo and Burdette pool. We'd go swimming every weekend or take a trip to the zoo. As they got a little older, we take hikes on local trails or forge our own, somehow avoiding all the poison ivy.


Other mother's may love their kids as much as I love mine, but it's impossible to love your kids more than I love mine. Through those dark, early days of it just being me and my three little bears, they were the only reason I was able to get out of bed every morning. Those three little kids deserved everything the world had to offer, and I was determined to give it to them. We had everything money can't buy, and that's worth more than all the riches in the world. They were loved and healthy, and they went to bed every night with a full belly in a warm bed, covered in kisses and hugs.


It doesn't seem possible that I can now only talk to and hug two kids. When the girls and I are seated at a table, I look at them and realize they are my whole family now. Davy was just one person, but his absence creates a giant hole. It's a hole nothing else can fill and it will always be there. That is such a painful concept that I can't think about it for long.

For so many years, I wasn't "Jackie". I was "Mama", or "So-and-so's mom." To this day, I can be out somewhere and someone will recognize me and say, "You're Davy's mom, right?"

Yes, I am Davy's mom. I love him. I miss him, and I can't imagine life without him. And now I have to. My heart is so heavy, but despite my own pain, I worry about my girls, and my heart aches for Davy's two babies who will not remember him except through stories they are told. No one ever said life is fair … because it's not.


Just before leaving our little rent house for our OWN house.

PLEASE KEEP YOUR EYE OUT
FOR THE CAR THAT KILLED MY SON!
Even if you don't live in the Evansville area, please keep an eye out for this car. It was traveling South on I-69. It could have been coming from and going to anywhere. The Sheriff's office will follow up any ANY lead.

The Sheriff’s Office has identified the make and model of the suspect vehicle from the fatal hit and run crash that killed 23-year old David “Davy” Egan, father of two, on Friday, June 22, 2018 on I-69 near south Green River Road.

SUSPECT VEHICLE: Silver 1998-2002 Honda Accord sedan. 2-door or 4-door body style. The vehicle will have damage to the front end.

If you know of a vehicle matching this description, please contact the Sheriff's Office TIP line at 812-421-6297 or leave a web tip here.

Friday, July 20, 2018

Mama and Davy

My mom and Davy.
He's probably about six months old here.
The only thing that allows me to get out of bed in the morning and keeps me from melting into a puddle of tears every day is knowing that Davy is in heaven, and that I'll see him again one day. It also helps to know that in heaven, his arm is healed and his heart knows no pain. Davy could be his own worst enemy, and many of the roadblocks he had to navigate were of his own doing. But he never ceased to amaze me with this unbreakable spirit. He never quit trying, no matter what. There were times he wanted to give up, but he always found the strength to push on. When most people would throw in the towel, Davy pushed on. I always admired that about him. He was like a cat with nine lives … and when thrown, he always landed on his feet. That's one of the reasons his death was so hard to comprehend. Davy, of all people, couldn't die.

His arm injury (in late August, 2017) was the worst thing to happen to him, even worse than the car accident that left him in a coma, in ICU on a ventilator. I remember standing beside his bed in ICU, watching that machine breathing for him. There wasn't a mark on him. No bruises, no cuts, no broken bones. I was grateful he wasn't physically mangled, but it was confusing and frightening to stand by his bed. I couldn't keep from touching him. He was warm, which meant he was alive. I clung to that.

As far as his arm injury, how many men have punched something when they're angry and walked away with nothing but sore knuckles? Well, Davy sliced his bicep to the bone, severing the artery, muscles, and nerves. Fortunately, someone saw it happen. They did what they could to pinch the artery to stop him from bleeding out, and got him to the hospital in time to save his arm. The surgeons here were able to repair the artery, but the muscle and nerve damage were out of their expertise. The next day, Davy was transferred to a hospital in Louisville, one that pioneered nerve repair surgery.

Before surgery, the doctor told us they generally repaired the nerve first, then the artery. Since the artery was already repaired, they would have to be very careful "digging around it" the find the nerves. If they couldn't find the nerves without damaging the artery, he would have no feeling in his arm for the rest of his life. Luckily, they were able to locate the nerves, but apparently nerves shrink when they are severed, so they used cadaver nerves to attach them together.

We were told it would be one and a half to two years before the nerves regenerated all the way down to his hand, then the nerves had to grow into the muscle, and that therapy would be required for several years. Davy had several follow-up appointments with his surgeon in the months after his surgery. I took him to his last doctor appointment in May. The nerves had grown just past his wrist. His doctor was astounded at how fast the nerves had grown. The nerves still had to grow deep into the muscles, and he may never have full range of movement, but the doctors were very optimistic.

Davy could bend and straighten his arm, but had no grip strength in his right hand, and he had little feeling … but feeling was returning in random places … slowly but surely. His injury made it difficult to find a job, and that frustrated him profoundly. He was working with a job coach and a physical therapist, and they were certain they could find a job for him doing something until his arm healed and he could do whatever he wanted. Sadly, he was killed before that could happen.

Now, he's in heaven. His arm is fully functional and he will never have any more hurdles to jump … and he gets to meet my mom, dad, my two brothers. My dad died before I married and had kids, but my mother was alive to see all of them. She died when my kids were 2, 4, and 6. My oldest has a few memories of her, but the younger two don't.

Mama loved my babies. Mama loved pretty much everyone. She was one of those people who only saw the good in others. She was kind and sweet and generous to a fault. Losing her was extremely painful. But now, Davy knows her, and I'm sure he's up there talking her ear off … and she's listening and laughing and cracking jokes with him. My mother had a very quick wit. I know the two of them hit it off very well … and my dad and brothers get to meet my son for the first time. I don't know if people shake hands upon greeting in heaven, but if they do, Davy can now give a firm handshake with his right hand. The problems he had on earth are gone, so his heart is light and his spirit is free, and I'm sure he hasn't stopped smiling.

One day, I'll go to heaven … but I don't want a handshake from Davy… I want a long, GIANT, never-ending hug.


PLEASE KEEP YOUR EYE OUT
FOR THE CAR THAT KILLED MY SON!
Even if you don't live in the Evansville area, please keep an eye out for this car. It was traveling South on I-69. It could have been coming from and going to anywhere. The Sheriff's office will follow up any ANY lead.

The Sheriff’s Office has identified the make and model of the suspect vehicle from the fatal hit and run crash that killed 23-year old David “Davy” Egan, father of two, on Friday, June 22, 2018 on I-69 near south Green River Road.

SUSPECT VEHICLE: Silver 1998-2002 Honda Accord sedan. 2-door or 4-door body style. The vehicle will have damage to the front end.

If you know of a vehicle matching this description, please contact the Sheriff's Office TIP line at 812-421-6297 or leave a web tip here.