The gifts are all wrapped, and I've spent the last two weeks working on getting my house decorated. I've got to put lights on one more tree (in the kitchen), then I'll be done. What should have taken a day has taken me two weeks, but I'm cutting myself some slack. This will be our first Christmas without Davy, and we're all dreading it. If it weren't for the grandbabies, I'd probably forgo all of the decorating this year.
Thing 2 bought us all an ornament with Davy's picture with the year of his birth and death. When I was putting ornaments on the tree, I almost put that ornament near the top, but changed my mind and hung it so that it would be level with the babies. As soon as Davy's kids came over last Saturday, Super Why pointed to it and said, "That's my Daddy!" Sweet Pea did the same thing.
I asked my grandson if he remembered his Daddy tickling him or chasing him or playing blocks or cars with him. He said no ... and I had to fight back tears. It broke my heart. I asked him if he remembered riding on the skateboard with his Daddy, and he said, "Yes, I do remember that!"
When I was wrapping presents, I came across a decorative box that I wrapped one of Davy's presents in last year. I couldn't bring myself to use it again this year. I ended up putting a ribbon on it and setting it below his stocking. Davy's is the only stocking I'm hanging this year. The girls and I have decided to write Davy a letter and put it in his stocking. We can either burn it in the fireplace or save them from year to year in the empty Davy "present" box. We plan on making it a new tradition. It's a very small way to honor his memory and make him a part of our Christmas every year. We'll also be burning a candle for him the entire time we're together on Christmas.
By the time Christmas gets here, Davy will have been gone for six months. I used to wonder how someone could continue living when their child died. Now I know. You don't really live ... you just exist.
One day the pain of his death won't be so raw, but this year our hearts are all still bleeding. All we can do is to continue doing the things we need to do, and try to get through the holiday season without ruining everyone's Christmas with our tears.
My kids and I were always very close. We did everything together. I didn't run around on the weekends or go out without them. I got them up every morning and fed them breakfast, then delivered them to school or daycare. After work I picked them up and we went home. The kids would play while I fixed dinner. After dinner was over, I would play with the kids or read to them.
In pretty weather, we would take walks, have picnics, go to the park, blow bubbles, run in the sprinkler, or play in the pool. We would color and draw pictures, build forts out of blankets, and watch movies. We'd go to the library and come home with armloads of books. We'd go to Fantasy of Lights, listening to Christmas music or a tape of the book "The Polar Express", then we'd ride around town and look at Christmas lights. They'd play in the snow, and I'd be waiting inside with hot chocolate and warm, dry clothes when they were done.
The girls are trying to find a way to live without their brother, and I'm trying to figure out how to live without my son. It doesn't matter what we do, though ... Christmas will never be the same. Nothing will ever be the same.
|Typical Davy ... giving me bunny ears in at Christmas.|
We are offering a $1,000 REWARD for information leading to the arrest of the person responsible for the death of my son in a fatal hit and run on I-69 South on the Green River overpass in Evansville, Indiana around 11:00pm on Friday, June 22, 2018.The car that hit him was determined to be a 1998-2002 Silver Honda Accord. There would have been considerable damage to the front, passenger side of the vehicle, but it could be repaired by now. (See the Sheriff Bulletin below).
If you have any information, please contact the Sheriff's Office TIP line at 812-421-6297 or leave a web tip .
PLEASE KEEP YOUR EYE OUT
FOR THE CAR THAT KILLED MY SON!
Even if you don't live in the Evansville area, please keep an eye out for this car. It was traveling South on I-69. It could have been coming from and going to anywhere. The Sheriff's office will follow up any ANY lead.
The Sheriff’s Office has identified the make and model of the suspect vehicle from the fatal hit and run crash that killed 23-year old David “Davy” Egan, father of two, on Friday, June 22, 2018 on I-69 near south Green River Road.
: Silver 1998-2002 Honda Accord sedan. 2-door or 4-door body style. The vehicle will have damage to the front end.