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| Me!! ME!! I said it!!!! |
I realize I am alone in my lack of love for cheese, but I hate melted cheese on a sandwich ... except for grilled cheese. I mean, let's face it ... a grilled cheese without cheese is just toast! To me, melted cheese makes the meat taste rancid. I have eaten exactly two cheeseburgers in my entire life, ten years apart, and I did not enjoy either. I even remember when I ate them! One in 2003 and one in 2013. I remember them because they made in impression on me ... a yucky impression! The one in 2003 wasn't as horrible as the one in 2013, but only because the 2003 one was on a very large, very thick burger. It had one slice of cheese, so the meat to cheese ratio was very small. The 2013 one was a McDonald's burger. I ate it because I was starving, but I made a face like I was drinking sour milk the entire time.
When I was in high school, we could go off-campus for lunch, so when lunchtime rolled around, we would all pile into a car and go to McDonald's or Burger King. I would always order two hamburgers or a hamburger and fries, while everyone else in the car ordered as many cheeseburgers as their lunch money would buy. More often than not, we would get the wrong bag ... and it would contain nothing but cheeseburgers ... and always way more cheeseburgers than we had ordered. We would never go back and trade it for the right food order because everyone was so excited about all the cheeseburgers they'd get to eat. Nevermind the fact that I put my lunch money towards the order, and keeping it meant I wouldn't get to eat that day because I didn't have the money to buy anything else.
I'm not sure who's idea it was to put half a slice of cheese on a fish fillet at McDonald's, but they should be flogged! And while we're at it ... why half a slice of cheese? Everything else comes with a whole slice! Anyway, when my boyfriend and I go to McDonald's, I order a fish fillet with no cheese and extra tartar. They charge me a quarter for the extra tartar. My boyfriend orders a fish fillet with extra cheese and no tartar, and they charge him an extra quarter for the cheese. If a half-slice of cheese costs 25 cents and extra tartar costs 25 cents, shouldn't the price of our sandwiches remain the same? But, I digress.
I went to Wendy's one Sunday a while back and picked up lunch for me and my boyfriend, then took it to his studio where he was playing music. I ordered a single hamburger. I didn't check the order at the drive-thru window ... and I got a cheeseburger. I should have checked it, because if I check, the order is always right ... but if I don't, my order will have cheese on it ... always! I waited until I left the studio to take it back. Instead of asking for a hamburger, I asked for my money back, then I went to McDonald's and got a fish filet ... no cheese, extra tartar ... for 25 cents extra. I checked the order at the drive-thru window ... and they put cheese on it!!!
Quit trying to make me eat cheese! It ain't gonna happen!!
When I go to Subway, I get pepper jack cheese on my sandwich, but I never have it toasted. I don't have it toasted for two reasons ... one, I don't want melted cheese on my meat, and two, I add so many veggies that it's plenty crunchy without toasting the bread.
I went to Hardee's a few years back and ordered a hamburger. I opened the burger to start eating as I was driving back to work, and ... surprise, surprise ... they gave me a cheeseburger. I drove back to Hardee's and went in. I told the girl behind the counter that I ordered a hamburger, but was given a cheeseburger.
She looked at me and smiled a nearly toothless smile and said "But our hamburgers come with cheese!"
I told her a hamburger with cheese wasn't a hamburger ... it was a cheeseburger.
She looked at me and smiled a nearly toothless smile and said "But our hamburgers come with cheese!"
I told her I ordered a hamburger because I didn't want cheese on it.
She looked at me and smiled a nearly toothless smile and said "But our hamburgers come with cheese!"
I told her I don't want cheese on it, that's why I ordered a hamburger and not a cheeseburger!
She looked at me and smiled a nearly toothless smile and said "But our hamburgers come with cheese! If you want a hamburger without cheese, you have to order a hamburger without cheese."
I told her a hamburger without cheese was a hamburger without cheese. If you add cheese, it's no longer a hamburger, but a cheeseburger!
She looked at me and smiled a nearly toothless smile and said "But our hamburgers come with cheese!"
Holy cow ... this could go on all day!!
Clearly, I was dealing with a superior intellect. I know when I'm whipped, so I changed my strategy.
Defeated, I caved and said, "I want a hamburger without cheese."
As I left I reminded myself to cut her some slack ... life is harder when you're stupid.
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