I Could FEEL My IQ Falling as I Read This Book

As a child, I adored playing with Barbie's. I loved playing make-believe and I was mesmerized by the miniature scale pieces. As an adult, I still loved miniatures and made pretty decent money making miniature dollhouse food and selling it to miniature stores and the occasional craft fair. So, when I saw this book in the library of a local elementary school, I couldn't help but pick it up.

It was such a fascinating two-minutes of reading that I decided to pick a few key pages to share, leaving out the many (mind-numbing) others. You're welcome :)

Let me set the mood ... Barbie is getting ready for her date with Ken with the help of two of her Barbie friends. She needs her special butterfly barrette from her closet, so they all go into the closet to look for it.

Titillating, is it not?

Her dreamhouse doesn't look big enough for a closet like this, but apparently, it is!

Her friends, of course, are dumbstruck.

Barbie, with an aloof, Kardashian-like dismissal, refers to the extravagant, cavernous collection as a "few odds and ends".

Meanwhile, Ken arrives at her door, looking quite dapper, and bearing gifts of chocolate and flowers.

And his breath is minty fresh.

Yea!

As the girls walk through Barbie's closet, she shows them all of the clothes from "every job she's ever had". When they see her spacesuit, they are astonished and ask, "You went to the moon?"

Always humble, Barbie shallowly replies, "You haven't?"

Seems to me that anyone smart enough to be an astronaut would know that not everyone gets to go to the moon!

The friends see lots of clothes they'd love to borrow ... and (of course) ... fun, generous Barbie says they can borrow whatever they want!

They revel in the glory that the that they're all exactly the same size ... seemingly unaware of the fact that Mattel uses the same mold for every Barbie doll ... both Barbie-Barbie and her Barbie-friends ... the Barbie-wannabe's!!!

The girls are taking so long looking for the barrette that poor Ken has fallen asleep ... standing up.

Way not to look desperate, Kenny-Boy!

The whiny friends are worn out from hauling large, heavy bags of borrowed clothes and accessories through the miles-long closet ... with no end in sight.

Perky, energetic Barbie assures them it will only take a day or two more ... tops ... to finish walking through the closet.

Barbie's closet isn't looking so amazing now, is it friends?

After trapsing through the closet for days ... including a make-up session that left them covered in cosmetics ... one friend claims she's famished, while the other adds they are starving.

Ah, I thought ... the "famished" friend is the smart one ... the other obviously doesn't know that "famished" means "starving"!

Oops ... I spoke too soon. They both appear to be equally stupid!

Desperate to get out of the closet, the exhausted friends beg Barbie to give up looking for the barrette and let them go.

Just then, Barbie discovers she's had the barrette in her pocket the whole time.

Silly Barbie!

What does this lever do, the friends wonder? Pulling it could be good or bad ... but apparently nothing is as bad as spending more time in Barbie's closet. The friends throw caution to the wind and pull the lever ... much to Barbie's horror!

Oh, no! What have they done? Did they blow up Barbie's closet and all her clothing and matching accessories?!!

I'm afraid to turn the page!!

Lucky for the friends, Barbie had an emergency ejection shoot installed in her closet, and they spill out onto the sidewalk in front of the Dreamhouse ...

... only to find a disheveled Ken holding now-wilted flowers ... but undeterred, so strong is his desire to go on a date with his beloved Barbie.

Barbie finally emerges, fresh as a daisy ... and (fortunately), she finds the unshaven/Miami-Vice look attractive, so all is good.

Or is it?

Because I can't help but wonder ... and worry ... is Ken's breath still minty fresh?