I am Really Struggling

After Davy died, I read that sometimes the second year is worse than the first. I really hoped that wasn't going to be the case ... but it is. It's infinitely worse. I have also heard from someone that year three is much, MUCH better. I hate to wish my life away, but I sure wish I were in year three.

I am really struggling to come to terms with the fact that my son is gone ... that his sisters are mourning so deeply for him ... and that he did not get the pleasure of watching is little children grow up. He got just two birthdays with his son and only one with his daughter. To me, that is so sad.

Life isn't fair and it doesn't always make sense. I am working very hard at finding joy and happiness, but at this point in my story, it's eluding me.

One day I'll be whole again. One day I'll laugh and be happy. It's hard to conceive, but I know it's true. I just have to plow through the sludge a while longer to get there.