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Tuesday, December 25, 2018

A Christmas Perspective

While I've been walking around, for months, dreading the holidays and feeling sorry for myself because I can't spent them with my son, there are families that have been walking around dreading the holidays because they know their loved one will get drunk or high and beat them. Again. Domestic battery spikes over the holidays.

I looked at the "Recently Booked" on the Sheriff's website this norming, and a disproportionate number, predominantly men, were arrested over the weekend for domestic battery. The number will climb even higher today and tonight.

While I have a legitimate reason to be grieving my son, these women and children have reasons just as valid to dread the holidays. Yes, they can leave, but it's complicated.

What's so complicated? Well, while they hate what their loved one does, they love them ... or they are still in love with the person they fell in love with ... even if he doesn't exist very often. Some have children, no jobs, and no family to go to. At some point, many of these women and children will end up in a homeless shelter, but I think anyone can see why the thought a homeless shelter on Christmas would be a depressing thought.

Not all of these women are high school drop-outs living in squalor on welfare. Many of them come from good families and live in nice homes. They are highly intelligent and/or highly educated. And they are ashamed. They are ashamed at what their lives have come to. They are ashamed that someone as intelligent as they are is living like they do.

No batterer stops at physical abuse. There is constant emotional abuse. After years of being called fat or useless or stupid or ugly ... or whatever slur their partners choose ... you start believing it. How many people (who have never been beaten) remember some cruel taunt from someone as a child or teenager and they are forever self-conscious of whatever they'd been bullied over? Now imagine that comes from someone you love, not some kid or acquaintance. Now imagine you hear it often ... or every day. That does something to your psyche, and it changes you and your perspective of who you are.

Plus, some are afraid of what will happen to them if they do try to leave. Leaving is the most dangerous time for these women. Even if the men are jailed, it's typically for a very short time, and we all know how well restraining orders work. We've all heard stories of men who stalk and kill their battered wife ... or their children (for revenge) ... after she's found the courage to leave.

We can all wonder why they don't "just leave" as we sit in our nice homes, surrounded by friends and family in rooms full of Christmas decorations and more presents than anyone needs ... but until you've walked a mile in her shoes ... until you've lived a week in the fear that is her norm ... you can never know why she's so afraid and/or hesitant to leave.

So while I grieve the death of my son, I am very aware of the women and children out there who are grieving the reality of their lives. Grief saps your strength. I struggle to find the energy to do the things I need to do, much less all the extra things "required" during the holidays. At least I don't have to worry about someone flying off the handle for no reason and beating me ... and/or my children ... during an already stressful time.

And what about the families with missing children? They live in constant fear that their child is being abused, starved, cold, and hungry. They don't even know if their child is alive or dead. They don't want to think their child is dead, but the images of a a child being held captive and tortured are almost worse.

Just like when Davy was in ICU on a ventilator, I knew I was lucky. I knew where my child was, and there are many, many family who do not have that luxury.

This year my life took a horrible turn and will never be the same. Nothing will make me feel better or take the pain away ... but families like the ones above put my pain into perspective.

I will never be a peace with my son's death ... but, sadly ... it could be worse.

We are offering a $1,000 REWARD for information leading to the arrest of the person responsible for the death of my son in a fatal hit and run on I-69 South on the Green River overpass in Evansville, Indiana around 11:00pm on Friday, June 22, 2018.The car that hit him was determined to be a 1998-2002 Silver Honda Accord. There would have been considerable damage to the front, passenger side of the vehicle, but it could be repaired by now. (See the Sheriff Bulletin below).

If you have any information, please contact the Sheriff's Office TIP line at 812-421-6297 or leave a web tip here.


Even if you don't live in the Evansville area, please keep an eye out for this car. It was traveling South on I-69. It could have been coming from and going to anywhere. The Sheriff's office will follow up any ANY lead.

The Sheriff’s Office has identified the make and model of the suspect vehicle from the fatal hit and run crash that killed 23-year old David “Davy” Egan, father of two, on Friday, June 22, 2018 on I-69 near south Green River Road.

SUSPECT VEHICLE: Silver 1998-2002 Honda Accord sedan. 2-door or 4-door body style. The vehicle will have damage to the front end.

If you know of a vehicle matching this description, please contact the Sheriff's Office TIP line at 812-421-6297 or leave a web tip here.

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