No Christmas This Year

This is the Christmas tree outside my son's door in ICU. It's meant to be festive and bring everyone a little joy, but for me it's a sad reminder that I'll probably spend most or all of the Christmas season surrounded by beeping machines and watching my son struggle to recover.

I do have a lot to be grateful for. I am grateful he didn't break any bones. I'm grateful he wasn't paralyzed. I'm grateful he's alive. I'm grateful I have reason to hope he will make a complete recovery, and I'm grateful the other kid in the car spent less than 24 hours in the hospital and gets to celebrate Christmas with his family.

I am grateful, but I don't feel very Christmasy.

I always host Christmas with my brother and sisters and all our families at my house. It was supposed to have been yesterday, but obviously, that wasn't an option. My sister-in-law tried to organize a last-minute change of venue, but no one felt like celebrating. Everyone would have been thinking, "Here's your present", then "Let's eat so we can go home." Each of my siblings will have Christmas with their own family, but there will be no extended family Christmas.

My kids and I were going to open presents together tomorrow evening. That won't be happening either. My girls don't want to have Christmas without their brother, and I completely understand. I have no idea when we'll have Christmas, and if my son isn't there, it won't be very festive. It may come to pass that I give everyone their presents, then my son gets his own special Christmas when he's able ... or it may be that he's sitting up in bed and we have Christmas in his hospital room.

Christmas Eve is still three days away, and it's possible he'll be alert enough to open presents. We may not be home for Christmas, but if my son is able to celebrate with us, this will go down as the best Christmas ever.