When I’m feeling my worst and missing my son so much every fiber of my being cries out to hold him, I remind myself that I am one of the lucky ones. I know where and how my son died, and I know he died instantly. He did not lay there suffering. I saw his body at the funeral home and got to kiss him goodbye and sing the songs of his childhood softly into his ear.
As agonizing as it was to see my child in a casket and feel his skin cold, there are many other mothers who do not ever get that privilege. They have no idea where their child is or if they are alive or dead. I wake up every day to the reality that my son is gone, while they have to wake up wondering if today will be the day that the body of their beloved child is found.
There are also those who, like me,
did get to bury their child. They were able to say goodbye. They, too, know how their child died, but it’s so horrific it makes them physically ill and haunts both their dreams and their every waking moment.
When Davy had his wreck in December of 2014, I remember thinking that despite my fear of what the future held for him, I was lucky. It was the hospital who called, not the police or coroner. I knew where my son was. I had no idea if he would ever recover consciousness, if he would remember his life and family, or even if he would be able to feed himself. But he was alive and I had hope.
For a long time, Davy was so angry … and he always took it out of me. Having a simple conversation with him could be trying. Anything I said or did could set him off. But this past year had been different. There were times the old Davy slipped in, but there were more times that I was beginning to see the Davy I used to know … the funny, silly boy he used to be. Spending time with him was once again a pleasure, and I looked forward to being with him. Then he was taken away
And I feel cheated.
Someone robbed us all of the years we would get to love and laugh with him. They stole all the years we would have to make memories of him. They took him away from two babies too young to remember him except through stories and videos that we share.
We were all cheated.
I could rail about it not being fair, but then I think of the other mothers who don’t know where their child is. I don’t have to wonder if my son is cold or hungry or in pain. I don’t have to wonder if he’s being mistreated. And then I think about how sad it is that I am one of the “lucky” ones who I got to bury my child, for that is a luxury denied to many. The pain those families are in makes mine seem like a walk in the park.
I also know where he is, and that I will see him again one day. I know his soul is at peace. Davy was baptized two years ago today. Everyone in the church had prayed for him when he had his accident, stopped by the hospital to offer comfort or bring snacks for us. The day he was baptized, people cried and praised God for answering our prayers.
Those same people provided a weeks worth of meals for me and my daughters, delivering them to each of us daily. They came to the funeral home to offer comfort. Their constant prayers sustained us during our darkest days.
Everyone says it will get better ... in time. I know they are right, but there will never be enough time to ease the sadness that envelopes me when I think of him.
I miss you, Davy, and I love you. I want you back. The only thing that keeps me from going insane with grief is the certainty that I will see him again one day in heaven ... and what a glorious reunion that will be.
FOR THE CAR THAT KILLED MY SON!
Even if you don't live in the Evansville area, please keep an eye out for this car. It was traveling South on I-69. It could have been coming from and going to anywhere. The Sheriff's office will follow up any ANY lead.
The Sheriff’s Office has identified the make and model of the suspect vehicle from the fatal hit and run crash that killed 23-year old David “Davy” Egan, father of two, on Friday, June 22, 2018 on I-69 near south Green River Road.
SUSPECT VEHICLE: Silver 1998-2002 Honda Accord sedan. 2-door or 4-door body style. The vehicle will have damage to the front end.
If you know of a vehicle matching this description, please contact the Sheriff's Office TIP line at 812-421-6297 or leave a web tip here.
