My Heart

In my heart, I am a writer. It's all I've ever wanted to be, and it's who I am deep down inside. I would continue to write books even if no one ever read them. There were at least a few people anxiously awaiting my second book and it made me smile every time they inquired as to when it would be done.

When I'm not wearing my writer's hat, I'm a Network Specialist for a large school corporation. It can be chaotic and frustrating at times, but I seem to have a knack for computers, so it's fulfilling (most days!). No one goes into the technology field expecting things to work ... and if they do, they're in for a rude awakening! Very rarely are updates flawless, and many times "upgrades" cause more problems than their deployment was intended to fix. But, I work with some pretty good people who will pitch in and help anyone who sends out an SOS.

I have been helping out at one of the high schools for a while now, and I've come to know the teachers, staff, and students very well. I wasn't hired to be a school tech, and they need me back "downtown", so I'll be saying farewell to my school family tomorrow ... and I'm really going to miss them.

A few of the students are spoiled, disrespectful, and smart-aleks, but most are kind and polite, and I enjoy them. I like watching them laugh and cut up with each other. I like walking into a classroom and seeing them paying attention and working hard. When I watch the kids walk down the halls or come into my office with a problem, I'm aware that despite whatever mask they have on, their life at home could be a living hell. Statistically speaking, a certain percentage of those kids have been or are being molested. Some are beaten. Some are abused emotionally. Some are neglected. Some are taking care of siblings and drug-addicted or drunken parents ... and some really have no one to count on.

When they come to see me, I try to be as nice as possible. I treat the kids like I want people to treat my children. There is one young man who is one of those people who could sell ice to an Eskimo! He's always happy and smiling and gregarious. He's such a neat kid, and I know that his charisma and intellect combined will take him wherever he wants to go. I picture him ten years from now with a pretty wife and a couple of adorable kids that are just as charming and silly as their father.

There is another student that has worked her way into my heart. She's a good student and all of the teachers love her. A young lady who is as sweet as she is pretty. I don't know all the situations she's had to deal with, but what few I do know of break my heart. Even so, she's always smiling, always sweet, always studious and obedient. Last year her family situation deteriorated to the point that she was put in foster care. Her father lives out of state, and I expected she would go live with him after school ended last May. All summer long I wished I had taken a few minutes to pull her aside and tell her what an amazing young woman she is, and that she has the drive and intelligence and determination to become whatever she wants to be. She's stronger than a lot of adults, and that her childhood does not determine who she is ... she does. And most of all, that I'm proud of her spirit, and to keep working towards the life she wants, because she's got what it takes to succeed. Children don't pick their parents, and it's never a child's fault when their parents make bad choices. A child can't make a parent misbehave any more than they can make them behave properly. I don't know if she's harboring any guilt about her parents choices or not, but she likely is. Kids always blame themselves for their parents failures.

But, I never got the chance to tell her any of that before school ended. More accurately, I never took the time to seek her out and tell her. Shame on me.

I was surprised when I saw her back at school this year, and when I found out I'd be leaving the school, I determined to find the time to talk to her and let her know I was proud of her and in awe of her strength. I found that opportunity today. She was sitting in the office, waiting for something, and I sat down beside her and told her what an amazing young woman she is. It was a short talk, and I walked away wishing I could have said something more profound.

When school ended, she came in and gave me a hug, and handed me a letter ... and it brought me to tears. I know there are good and bad foster families. The best ones make the kids feel loved and part of the family. The good ones take care of the kids, provide for them and keep them safe. And who hasn't heard horror stories of the bad ones? She seems to be taken care of, but I don't think she feels loved there. Every child deserves to be loved and to know that there are adults who care about them. Every child needs to know there is someone they can turn to if they need help ... and I wanted her to know that I care and that if she ever needs an adult to talk to, or finds herself in a dangerous situation that I will be there for her. I hope she never finds herself in a situation where she's afraid or needs rescued, but if that ever does happen, I hope she thinks of me ... I hope she knows my offer was sincere. She may not realize it, but all of her teachers think the world of her and would really do most anything for her.

I plan on staying in touch with her, and in ten years, I expect her to be highly successful and happy. My hope is that she meets a man who protects her and gives her the security denied to her for so long ... and I know she'll be a wonderful mother, giving her children all the love and attention and encouragement she never got. I wish for her the fairy-tale life she dreams of.

And I'm going to keep her letter. It makes me feel good to know I made a small difference in a child's life. I may have lifted her heart today, but she has lifted mine infinitely more.

A Summer in Ocracoke was released yesterday!

I had a blog prepared ... all I had to do was login and it "post" ... and I forgot!! I've been so busy that I'm walking around in a fog these days. That's no excuse, though. I should have remembered something that important!

It's currently available as a paperback and Kindle book on Amazon, but an eBook suitable for all other eReaders is available for download on my website.  It will be available at Barnes & Noble and other online retailers shortly.

For a limited time, you can get 15% OFF when ordering through the website eStore.

So, with A Summer in Ocracoke behind me, I can get back to working on the next one!

I've been super busy with college classes

I've been super busy with college classes ... but not classes I'm taking. I'm teaching them! Now before you congratulate me on my new professorship, you should know that I'm not being paid to teach the classes, nor am I on staff at any institution of higher learning. Rather, my daughter was forced to take three online technology courses and the teachers refuse to help any of the students.

The state-of-the-art software used in these classes is clunky, doesn't work correctly, and/or doesn't score correctly, and the instructions can be very confusing ... even for me, a technology professional! I guarantee you I know more about these programs than her teachers, and I find the instructions confusing at times.

My daughter is very conscientious and has a fear of bad grades, so she comes over several nights a week for me to show her how to do things the cryptic software requires her to do but doesn't tell her how. One of the classes she's taking requires you to understand some pretty in-depth concepts that are difficult, if not impossible, to grasp just by reading about them. It didn't take me long to explain them to her, but they make little sense when you simply read them.

Her teachers are pretty much worthless. At one time or another, she has asked each of them to meet with her to explain something she doesn't understand, or to clarify what she it is she is supposed to do on specific assignments.  Despite her repeated requests, none of them have ever offered to meet with her.  One of them told her to read the book. Another one told her to refer to the "Help" section in the software. The other teacher simply ignores her emails altogether.

Really?

I don't mind helping her, and I love spending time with my daughter, but this has been eating up three nights of my week! From the time I get home until 10:00 or 11:00 at night, I'm helping her understand her lessons. She doesn't need my help on all of them, but a good many of them phrase things in such a way that if you Google the exact wording of the instruction, you get zero hits!

So, I have to give up a good deal of my life from August through May because these teachers refuse to meet with students needing help. They won't meet with students and the software grades the assignments, so what exactly are they getting paid to do? As far as I can tell, all they are doing to earn their money is sending an unhelpful email reply to the students to read the book or click on the "Help" button.      

I am very angry that these lazy teachers are getting paid to "teach" my daughter. I understand online learning can be a good thing, and many people prefer online classes, but my daughter didn't have a choice. When she signed up for the classes, they were in-class, instructor led classes ... then they changed them to online. I have no problem with these classes being offered online, but I definitely have a problem with teachers refusing to meet with students who request their help. I don't think it's asking too much to have an hour or two one a week where the teacher is available at the school, in person, to actually do some of the teaching they are being paid to do for the students wanting their help!

On my nights off from teaching, I've been finalizing all the details on A Summer in Ocracoke, which is coming out this Tuesday (September 10th). There is still time to pre-order or purchase an autographed copy and get freebies with each order!

I had a very nice birthday

In addition to my desk (see it here), I got:

a Mother's Necklace ...

a new dress ...

Ski (I'm an addict!) ...

Ski Drops (candy) ...

Cashmere Lotion from Bath & Body (smells amazing!) ...

a pretty scarf ...

a framed picture of my daughters and I on vacation (wearing my birthday dress!) ...

a very pretty umbrella (forgot to add this in my initial posting!) ...

several birthday signs:

at home (in the craft room) ...

I received this in a text from a very sweet friend ...

From my sweet, little nephew ...

Could these guys be any cuter?!! ...

Dinner at the restaurant of my choice, flowers, homemade lemon-spinach dip and flavored chips (both yummy!!). It seems to me I'm forgetting some, but that's most of them! All in all, I had a very nice birthday!!!

Lunch :)

My daughter fixed hamburger helper and mashed potatoes for lunch the other day. I was at work, so I didn't get to partake in the feast. But, she fixed me a container to take to work for lunch the next day.

Here's what greeted me when I came home and opened the refrigerator ...

Wasn't that sweet?!!!

My First Goldfish Flower!

Isn't this a cool plant?!!!
(click on image to enlarge)

Cyberwishes!

I pinned a dress on Pinterest that I liked. Well, I liked it on the young model. I really didn't think I'd be able to pull it off, but that didn't stop me from pinning that very pretty dress to one of my boards. Then, out of the blue ... my sweet daughter found it in a store while shopping for herself ... and bought it for me! The young model definitely wore it better, but I didn't look nearly as dreadful as I feared! (Click here see the dress).

The past few months I've been surfing the web looking for a larger desk. The ones I could afford were too small. Most of the ones I really wanted were way too expensive, but it didn't stop me from repeatedly surfing to their pages and admiring them from afar. And then I got one of the very desks I'd been salivating over for my birthday! (Click here to see the desk).

I guess cyberwishes really do come true!

I seem to be on a roll here! Sooooooo ...

If you need me, I'll be on the computer ... looking at pictures of money, beautiful homes, and publishing contracts :)

Uncle Wiggily

When I was at my boyfriend's house yesterday evening, he told me I couldn't go into the garage ... that my birthday present was in there. That piqued my curiosity!! After just a few minutes, he told me I could have my present early if I wanted.

At this point, I had a real internal struggle going on. The mature woman inside me said, "No, wait until your birthday." But the four year old in me wanted to scream, "Yes, please!"  I needed more information before I could answer that question, so I asked for a clue. He told me I was getting an Uncle Wiggily Game. 

I'm guessing you're scratching your head about now. Allow me to elaborate ...

I am one of eight children. There were four kids, a six year break, then four more. I was one of the younger four ... forever known as "the four little kids". Us four little kids were close in age, so we all got presents on each other's birthday. One year on my birthday, I told one of my little sisters that I'd tell her what she was getting if she told me what I was getting. I knew she wouldn't tell me, and I had no idea what she was getting, so I couldn't have held up my end of the bargain anyway. Instead of saying, "No", my little sister said "You're getting an Uncle Wiggily Game."

I immediately burst into tears. She wasn't really supposed to tell me!!!

So, it's a running joke in my family ... if someone asks you what they're getting or for a clue ... the standard reply is, "It's an Uncle Wiggily game."

I knew I would love whatever he bought, just as surely as I knew did not buy me an Uncle Wiggily Game. He's exceptionally good at picking out the perfect present for me. Unlike a lot of men, he actually listens when I talk (most of the time anyway!). He knows the things I want because he hears me talk about them, or he sees me admiring them in stores. The words "What were you thinking?" have never crossed my mind when he's given me a gift.  Not even once.

Our second Christmas together, he bought me a toy I wanted as a child and never got (Click here to read a very informative blog posting about it.) One of my little sister's got it instead, and I was heartbroken. It was just one of those silly childhood stories you tell that provides concrete evidence of how mistreated you were as a child ... and that your parents did indeed love your sibling(s) more than they loved you. Anyway, I told him the story and figured that was that. Until I opened my Christmas presents that year ...

And there it was ... the one toy I desperately wanted and never received. How sweet is that?!!

Okay ... so back to this evening ...

I really wanted to scream, "YES! YES! YES!  I WANT MY PRESENT EARLY!!", but decided to be a grown-up and just wait. I think he wanted me to say yes, because not too much later, he said "You can have your present tonight. You may as well be using it."

He obviously wanted me to have it early, and I certainly didn't want to hurt his feelings ... so I agreed he could give me my birthday present early. He led me to the garage ... and there it was ...  A NEW DESK! And not just any new desk, it was one I was actually drooling over online! He knew I wanted a new desk, but he didn't know I wanted that particular desk.  I never told anyone I wanted that desk, and he doesn't have access to my computer, so it's not like he scoured my browsing history to acquire this knowledge! The only way for him to know I wanted that exact desk was for him to know what's in my heart ... and he does. I feel very, very, VERY lucky to get to walk through life with him by my side :)

So ... here's a rather bad picture of my new desk (click on image to zoom) ...

P.S. He bought me the chair a few weeks ago ... and he also gave me the bamboo plant on the desk. He sent the plant to me at work to congratulate me on making the Quarter Finals in the Amazon contest. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to believe he's real, that I'm not just dreaming him up :)

I LOVE THIS DRESS!!!!

This evening my boyfriend and I went to one of the performances at the Sandy Lee Watkins Songwriters Festival 2013 in Henderson, Kentucky. For almost three hours, we listened to four incredibly talented and successful songwriters from Nashville ... Kerry Kirk Phillips, Tony Arata, Lisa Carver, and Jeffery East. They have all written numerous songs for major artists, and have won some pretty impressive awards. Tony Arata wrote "The Dance", which was recorded by Garth Brooks ... which Tony sang for us!

The songwriters sat in a circle with their acoustic guitars and took turns playing some of their songs. I was in awe of the talent in that room.

An evening with my handsome boyfriend, good food, great music ... and I got to wear my new dress. I'd say the evening was a smashing success!

Here I am modeling my pretty new dress before we left. I posted a picture of it on July 25th (blog posting A New Dress), right after my sweet daughter surprised me with it, but the picture I posted wasn't of me. The picture for that blog was of a much younger woman (girl?) modeling the dress for a catalog. I realize the young model looks much better than I do ... but I looked a lot better than I currently do when I was her age ... so I'm going to cut myself some slack!

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