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Thursday, December 18, 2014

My Soul is in Agony

Tuesday evening, my son was involved in a high-speed car accident. I got a call at 3:21 a.m. Wednesday morning and was told my son was in ICU on a ventilator. My stomach has been in knots ever since, and my heart hurts so bad I can barely breathe.

He has no broken bones. He has no internal injuries. He has no visible cuts or bruises, but he has three areas in his brain that are hemorrhaging. They appear quite small on the scans, but they were enough to render him unconscious upon impact, and keep him from responding in a way that will allow the medical staff to remove the ventilator. He can breathe on his own, but he has to be on a ventilator because he's heavily sedated ... not to the point of a medically induced coma, but enough that he needs a machine to make sure he's breathing.

I had only been asleep a few hours when I got the call, and I walked around all day yesterday in a fog. I went home long enough to take a hot bath and grab some things, then came back to the hospital and stayed in his room last night. I only got a few hours sleep again. I know I'm of no use if I don't get enough sleep and take care of myself, but I don't want to leave his side. He may be an adult, but he's my baby.

This is a pain no parent can prepare for. All I want is to see his eyes again. I want to hear his voice. I even want him to say stupid things and annoy me. It's only been a day or so since I've talked to him, but I miss him.

I want my son back.

For Christmas, all I want is to hug my son and for him to hug me back. I want to tell him I love him and for him to look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me, too. If I get this wish, I don't care if I get another present for the rest of my life.

If you're the praying kind, your prayers would be very much appreciated right now.


  1. You will have him back again, remember, this is the boy with a "Will of Steel", and you know what I'm talking about. Love you and thinking of you and Dave constantly. Debbie

  2. The paper said it happened around 11:00pm and they did not call you till 3:21am, I would have thought it would be quicker, that's scary. Debbie

  3. The fire department got the call at 11:20, and the first notes in the hospital system were entered just after midnight, so it's not as bad as it sounds. The fire department had to get there and cut them from the car, then the paramedics had to stabilize at the scene and transport them to the hospital. He got to ICU at 1:00am, then they had to get him settled in and hooked up to everything. Another patient came in before they had a chance to contact me ... but honestly, as much I would have liked to have been informed immediately, all they did was save me a few hours of intense emotional pain, fear, and terror.