Honey, No One Believes You

Perusing the news online, I glanced and the photo and read the headline, not the article, of a young woman, with no discernible talent, famous for being on a reality show. The photograph by the headline was from a series taken for a magazine cover. She was wearing nothing but panties and a skin tight shirt. The headline stated she was 'pining for a quiet life'.

[Insert eye-roll and snort of derision here.]

It's really very easy to live a quiet life. I daresay it's easier to live a quiet life than it is to live in the public eye. Since she "earnestly" wants to live a normal life (rather than saying that for attention), I've complied a few tips for her.

1. Don't do photo shoots wearing sexy under-things (and then leak a photo or two).
2. Don't agree to be on a magazine cover.
3. Don't tweet and Instagram pictures of yourself naked or nearly so.
4. Don't leave the house wearing next to nothing.
5. Don't alert the paparazzi that you're going out so that they can film and photograph you.
6. Don't wear see-through yoga pants ... try wearing real pants.
7. Always wear a bra ... with a real shirt ... not one that makes your dainty underthings the star of the show.
8. Don't do a reality show.
9. Move someplace other than celebrity-infested in California. (There are lots of places in the United States with the same beautiful weather southern California affords.)
10. And last, but not least ... get a real job.

There are a lot of other tips I could give, but I don't want to overwhelm her ... let's just work on these and see how it goes.