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Friday, March 11, 2016

Grandma Heaven

I was feeling a little under the weather this week, so I didn't get to see my grandson until last night. He was his usual perfect self! His daddy played with him for a bit, then I got my turn. He was a little fussy, so I sat down in the rocker with him, and he fell asleep almost immediately. I've never seen a baby so easy to get to sleep in my life! My kids were never that easy ... and little W isn't quite so easy on his mom, but he couldn't be any more perfect for grandma!
After a very short nap, we put him in his bouncy seat. The little guy pulled his arms inside, leaving only his bib and little bald head peeking above! He looked so cute and tiny ... and silly!

The amazing thing about being a grandma, as opposed to a mother, is that I don't have the day to day responsibilities of a parent. I'm not exhausted from lack of sleep. When I'm rocking him, I don't have to worry about waking him when I lay him down because I don't have to lay him down! When my kids were growing up, I didn't have the luxury of just holding them. Once I got them to sleep, I had to lay them down so that I could do the millions of other things a mom has to do.

Now, I have plenty of time without a baby afoot to do my chores, so when W is with me, he's the only thing I have to think about. I can sit back and enjoy him in a way I didn't think I had time for when I had little ones running about everyday. That's the best part of being a grandma ... not only do I have the time to enjoy the tiny, bald gift with a giant, slobbery smile ... I realize how fleeting these years are. 

When my kids were growing up, I was a single mom. I had so much to do and so much to worry about that I didn't take the time to really enjoy my kids. I was always thinking ahead of what I needed to do ... cook, clean, laundry, grocery shop, etc. Without anyone to help me, I often felt overwhelmed at the responsibilities of work, home, and kids.

Even a trip to the playground was stressful. I had three little kids, all running in different directions, and all yelling, "Mommy, look at me!". I had to make sure none of them fell and got hurt. I had to play with them equally to make sure none of them felt neglected. I had to watch them, play with them, and praise them ... all at the same time ... with only two eyes and two hands. I look at pictures of them when they were little and wish I had slowed down, worried less, and savored those moments more. I wish I had cleaned less and let the laundry pile up a day or two more. I wish I hadn't tried to be so perfect. I was so busy making their lives wonderful that I didn't always have the energy to appreciate everything. My kids all think they had an amazing childhood, which was my goal ... I just wish I had slowed down and had as much fun as they did.

When my grandson is over, I do let the dishes pile up and I couldn't care less about laundry and other mundane chores. They'll all be there after he's gone home. I know all too well how much I missed being a mom. Living got in the way of life ... and I'm not going to make the same mistake as a grandma.

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